A good joke....

[Brightness]

A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem.

While they were there, the Wife passed away. The undertaker told the
Husband"You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her
here, in the Holy Land, for $150."

The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped
home.

The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife
home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend
only $150?"

The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three
days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance"

 

[Cork]

Brightness,
Would you be female by any chance. Of the last 12 topics you are the last to post on 11. Getting the last word in that often makes me think your gender is showing.

 

[WoodYouLike]

No it isn't

 

[mlb3c]

yes it is

 

[hermes]

Bl**dy hell what's this, women's hour, you lot will be after your own forum before long.

 

[WoodYouLike]

No, of course not, we will miss you lot too much

 

[mlb3c]

not a bad idea really......but I haven't met a man yet who could leave a topic without saying his perspective first. Makes it more interesting, I think.

last words ..go for both genders

 

[kendor]

This will kill this thread stone dead, no more posts
http://www.yarnmarket.com/knitting/Books_Patterns-320.html

 

[mlb3c]

This will kill this thread stone dead, no more posts
http://www.yarnmarket.com/knitting/Books_Patterns-320.html[/QUOTE]

Why Kendor, it's okay if you enjoy knitting. You won't lose your manhood....
I never learned, myself.

 

[WoodYouLike]

Lets rekindle the jokes

THE BACON TREE

Two Mexicans are stuck in the desert, wandering aimlessly and close to death.

They are close to just lying down and waiting for the inevitable, when all of a sudden...

"Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I is sure of eet".

"Si, Luis, eet smells like bacon to meee".

So, with renewed strength, they struggle off up the next sand dune, and there, in the distance, is a tree, just loaded with bacon.

There's raw bacon, dripping with moisture, there's fried bacon, back bacon, double smoked bacon...every imaginable kind of cured pig meat you can imagine!!

"Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Eees a bacon tree".

"Luis, are sure ees not a meerage? We ees in the desert, don'forget".

"Pepe, when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell of bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree".

And with that...Luis races towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres, Pepe following closely behind, when all of a sudden, a machine gun opens up, and Luis is cut down is his tracks. It is clear he is mortally wounded but, true friend that he is, he manages to warn Pepe with his dying breath.

"Pepe...go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree"

"Luis, Luis mi amigo...what ees eet?"

"Pepe...ees not a bacon tree....





Ees










"Ees, a Ham Bush"

 

[kendor]

This will kill this thread stone dead, no more posts
http://www.yarnmarket.com/knitting/Books_Patterns-320.html[/QUOTE]

Why Kendor, it's okay if you enjoy knitting. You won't lose your manhood....
I never learned, myself.

thought it was better to use knitting needles?

 

[WoodYouLike]

Subject: Local Joke to Scotland..................


Mrs Reid phones the Peterhead office of the Press & Journal and asks how much it would cost to advertise her husband's death in the obituaries page.

The man quotes her £1 per word, so the widow Reid ponders,then says:

"Peter Reid, fae Peterheid, is deid."

The chap in the P&J is shocked at the curt nature of the intimation,and tries to cajole Mrs R into something a wee bit more fulsome. She declines, even turning down the offer of 3 extra words for free.

A few minutes later, she calls back & says "Did ye mean it aboot the 3 extra words for free?"

The man says "I knew you would think better of it and call back! what would you like to say?"





Mrs Reid replies: "Peter Reid, fae Peterheid, is deid. Volvo for sale"!!


(Could have been a Local 'Dutch' joke also )

 

[Brightness]

LMAO I like it!

 

[WoodYouLike]

Alternate meanings for various words

1. Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.
2. Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.
3. Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.
6. Negligent (adj.), describes a condition in which you absent-mindedly
answer the door in your nightgown.
7. Lymph (v.), to walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle (n.), an olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence (n.) the emergency vehicle that picks you
up after you are run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash (n.), a rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle (n.), a humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude (n.), the formal, dignified demeanor assumed
by a proctologist immediately before he examines you.
13. Oyster (n.), a person who sprinkles his conversation with
Yiddish expressions.
14. Pokemon , A Jamaican proctologist.
15. Frisbeetarianism (n.), The belief that, when you die,
your Soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent (n.), the opening in the front of boxer shorts.