Band

[WoodYouLike]

How do you make a bandstand?


















Take away their chairs

 

[kendor]

How do you make a venetian blind?





Poke him in the eye!

 

[Brightness]

Oh dear, we are scraping the barrel now

 

[kendor]

Oh come on half the jokes on here are old ones dug up a hundred times

 

[Brightness]

Errrrr kendor I did put some smilies at the end - I was joking!

 

[dg123]

How do you get down from an elephant?









You don't. You get down from a duck!

 

[kendor]

Errrrr kendor I did put some smilies at the end - I was joking!

I know you were so was i

 

[kendor]

"Can I have some Irish Sausages please?", asked Paddy.

The Assistant looked at him and asked "Are you Irish?"

"If I asked you for Italian Sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian?  Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if  i asked you for a Kosher Hot Dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or, if I asked you for a Taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican? Would ya, ay? Would Ya?"

The assistant says, "Well no".

"And if I asked you for some Bourbon Whiskey, would you ask me if I was American? What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?"

"Well, I probably wouldn't!"

So with self-indignation, the Irishman says,  "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish just because I asked for Irish Sausages?"
The Assistant replies, "Because you're in F***ing Homebase."

 

[securespark]

How d'you make a swiss roll?

 

[Gary_M]

"Can I have some Irish Sausages please?", asked Paddy.

The Assistant looked at him and asked "Are you Irish?"

"If I asked you for Italian Sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or, if I asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if i asked you for a Kosher Hot Dog, would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or, if I asked you for a Taco, would you ask me if I was Mexican? Would ya, ay? Would Ya?"

The assistant says, "Well no".

"And if I asked you for some Bourbon Whiskey, would you ask me if I was American? What about Danish Bacon, would you ask me if I was Danish?"

"Well, I probably wouldn't!"

So with self-indignation, the Irishman says, "Well, all right then, why did you ask me if I'm Irish just because I asked for Irish Sausages?"
The Assistant replies, "Because you're in F***ing Homebase."

 

[ban-all-sheds]

Why don't oysters share things?






































Because they're shellfish.

 

[Dellsmp]

Mary had a little lamb
She tied it to a pylon
10,000 volts went up its b u m
its wool all turned to nylon

 

[BOB.DOLE]

BOB THE BUM...
WHENT ON THE RUN...
AND ROBBED A COUPLE OF MIGITS...
HE PLEADED NOT QUILTY...
BUT..............................