- Joined
- 24 Sep 2005
- Messages
- 6,345
- Reaction score
- 269
- Country
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic bin bags,
one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags and once in a while a
£20 note flies out of it onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Madam, there are £20 notes falling
out of that bag..."
"Damn!" says the little old lady...."I'd better go back and see if I can
find some of them. Thanks for the warning!"
"Well, now, not so fast," says the policeman. "How did you get all that
money? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back garden backs onto the
car park of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans
come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!" So, I go and stand
behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his
thingie through the bushes, I grab it and I say: '£20 or off it comes!' "
"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "Good luck!" By the way, what's in
the other bag?"
"Well", says the little old lady, "Not all of them pay."
A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks in
his shirt pocket and asks for another beer. After drinking that
one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer.
This happens about eight times before the bartender asks him, "Why
do you keep looking in your pocket?"
The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I'll go home!"
An Irishman died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the Morgue
needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean
(also Irishmen), were sent for.
Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus said, "Yup,
he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over". So the mortician rolled him over.
Seamus looked and said, "Nope, it ain't Paddy". The mortician thought that
was rather strange, but said nothing and asked Sean in to identify the body.
Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over"
The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't
Paddy".
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes."
"What, he had two arseholes?!!" said the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town,
folks would say, "Here comes Paddy with them two Arseholes...."
one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags and once in a while a
£20 note flies out of it onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her. "Madam, there are £20 notes falling
out of that bag..."
"Damn!" says the little old lady...."I'd better go back and see if I can
find some of them. Thanks for the warning!"
"Well, now, not so fast," says the policeman. "How did you get all that
money? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back garden backs onto the
car park of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans
come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!" So, I go and stand
behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his
thingie through the bushes, I grab it and I say: '£20 or off it comes!' "
"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "Good luck!" By the way, what's in
the other bag?"
"Well", says the little old lady, "Not all of them pay."
A man walks into a bar and asks for a beer. After drinking it, he looks in
his shirt pocket and asks for another beer. After drinking that
one, he looks in his shirt pocket again and asks for another beer.
This happens about eight times before the bartender asks him, "Why
do you keep looking in your pocket?"
The man replies, "I have a picture of my wife in there. When she looks good enough, I'll go home!"
An Irishman died in a fire and was burnt pretty badly. So the Morgue
needed someone to identify the body. His two best friends, Seamus and Sean
(also Irishmen), were sent for.
Seamus went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Seamus said, "Yup,
he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over". So the mortician rolled him over.
Seamus looked and said, "Nope, it ain't Paddy". The mortician thought that
was rather strange, but said nothing and asked Sean in to identify the body.
Sean took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over"
The mortician rolled him over and Sean looked down and said, "No, it ain't
Paddy".
The mortician asked, "How can you tell?"
Sean said, "Well, Paddy had two arseholes."
"What, he had two arseholes?!!" said the mortician.
"Yup, everyone knew he had two arseholes. Every time we went into town,
folks would say, "Here comes Paddy with them two Arseholes...."
