Have you found Jesus?

[JBR]

An Irish man is stumbling through the woods, totally drunk, when he comes upon a preacher baptising people in the river. The drunk proceeds into the water, subsequently bumping into the preacher.
The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, whereupon, he asks the drunk, "Are you ready to find Jesus?"
The drunk shouts, "Yes, oi am."
So the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the water.
He pulls him back and asks, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"
The drunk replies, "No, oi haven't found Jesus!"
The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him again but for a little longer.

He again pulls him out of the water and asks, "Have you found Jesus, me
brother?"
The drunk answers, "No, oi haven't found Jesus!"
By this time, the preacher is at his wits end and dunks the drunk again -- but
this time holds him down for about 30 seconds, and when he begins kicking his arms and legs about, he pulls him up.
The preacher again asks the drunk, "For the love of God, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk staggers upright, wipes his eyes, coughs up a bit of water, catches his breath, and says to the preacher,

"Are you sure this is where he fell in"?

 

[conny]

 

[JBR]

I must confess that, in choosing this title, I was hoping to attract the attention of some of our religious proponents!

 

[Norcon]

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned To her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike Up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total Stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is no God, Or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled smugly.

"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask You a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same Stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns Out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, Thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which The little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know ****?"

And then she went back to reading her book.

 

[JBR]

 

[jockscott]

The Archbishop of Canterbury was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and he turned To her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike Up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the Archbishop, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the Archbishop. "How about Religion" as he smiled smugly.

"Okay," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me ask You a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same Stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns Out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that is?"

The Archbishop, visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, Thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea." To which The little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified to discuss God, Heaven and Hell, or life after death, when you don't know s**t?"

And then she went back to reading her book.




That's what you meant to write Norcon.