How about some jokes to cheers us up..

[Zampa]

A bloke goes to the doctors and says...

"Doctor.....im worried ive developed a bad habit and im ashamed of it"

"its ok" says the doctor..."dont be embaressed, whats up"

"Well" says the bloke..."I find i get enormous gratification out of painting myself with gold paint"....

"Nothing to worry about at all" says the doctor,,,,,"sounds to me like all you have is a....









GILT COMPLEX...

 

[Thermo]

i phoned up my skip company the other day and said "i wanna skip outside my house"

the bloke replied "do what you want outside your house mate, itll keep the neighbours entertained!"

I phoned up my local swimming pool the other week and said "is that my local swimming pool?"

"depends where your phoning from" the women replied

Thank you thank you, once again i thank you

 

[Richardp]

A young man goes into a chemist to buy condoms. The pharmacist says the condoms come inpacks of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.

"Well," he said, ''I''ve been seeing this girl for a while and she''s really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight''s ''the'' night. We''re having dinner with her parents, and then we''re going out. And I''ve got a feeling I''m gonna get lucky after that. Once she''s had me, she''ll want me all the time, so you''d better give me the 12 pack."

The young man makes his purchase and leaves. Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents. He asks if he might say grace, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying with his head down for several minutes after everyone starts eating.

The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."

He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."

 

[masona]

Little Mary was not the best kid in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. Today, the teacher called on her while she was napping, '' Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, Johnny, a boy sitting behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary' and fell back to sleep.

Later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't wake up. Once again, Johnny jabbed her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and fell back asleep.

Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted.

 

[masona]

If you are unhappy

Once upon a time, there was a non conforming sparrow who decided not to fly south for winter. However,soon the weather turned so cold that relunctantly started to fly south. In a short time ice began to form on his wings and he fell to earth in a barnyard almost frozen.A cow passed by and crapped on the little sparrow. The sparrow thought it was the end,but the manure warmed him and defrosted his wings, warm and happy and happy to breath he started to sing. Just then a large cat came by and on hearing the chirping investigated the sounds. The cat cleared away the pile of manure, found the chirring bird and promptly ate him.

The moral of the story is:

1. Everyone who sh*ts on you is not necessarily your enemy.
2. Everyone who gets you out of the **** is not necessarily your friend.
3. And if you're warm and happy in a pile of sh*ts keep your mouth shut.