My divorce

[notb665]

My wife is due to leave the matrimonial home, and has a list of things which she is allowed to take, as per the agreement. Neither of us wanted this marriage to fail, but I started the proceedings.

Should I be at home when she leaves, so I can make sure she doesn't take anything she isn't entitled to? For this I would have to face her prat of a father, and so would need support from a member of my family also. It will be an emotional enough day as it is, she has designed the home (but I have built it).

Or shall I just leave for the day, but risk her taking something she shouldn't or doing something stupid?

 

[JohnD]

I'd be inclined to be there. It may be stressful but will soon be over.

You could help by getting together the things on the list, all clean and in good condition, perhaps in boxes (not not not bin liners) neatly stacked in the hall.

 

[big-all]

my thoughts exactly the same as john d
have the"property" neatly and respectfully presented

i think you need to be there as your the only one that can say yah or nah to clear up little "misunderstandings" of the marital goods

speak with your x wife ask her if she would mind bringing a freind a bit more "neutral " to try and ease the situation forward
and tell her you will have a freind that she approves of to be equaly neutral for common sence support

be prepaired to give a little bit more than you would like as the situation is going to occur when somthing you thought was yours will be disputed
just think is it worth the aggro




and last of all tell her any items you find at a later date that are heres will be dully forwarded to her if she still wants them and further reasonable requests will be considerd for a few months then the matter must "close " so you both can moove on


oooo and have the house and garden spotless so she cant gloat at the fact you cant cope without her

 

[Thermo]

very sound advice. There are more important things in life than possesions. Its not worth making a situation worse for the sake of clinging nto some of them. Bad day to go through but it has to be done and you can start to get on with life after

 

[gcol]

There's an air of distrust in your post so you should be there just in case. However, don't be stood there, arms folded, glaring at her though. I think I'd be there but I'd find myself a "task" to do were I'd be busy but able to keep a subtle eye on her. Just make sure she keeps away from your guitars.

 

[Diyisfun]

notb655, you are lucky (if you can call it luck), I was not allowed a thing after 33 yrs & she wonders why I hate her...

Bloody woman..Could do without them though.

 

[joe-90]

When I left 16 years ago I gave her the house, bought her a car and went to live in a bedsit with nothing more than a car load of tools. I didn't want the children to suffer for my decision. I gave her a hug and walked away.

A few years on she met someone else (and is now married). Her husband has taken over his family business with a turnover of £3 million plus. He will also inherit the land his father lives on right next to the M1 which would house around 100 homes and is worth several million.

The funny thing is, that when she met this guy she gave me my half of the house back and I took a small mortgage to buy out her half.

What I'm saying is: Try to keep it amicable. There is nothing to gain from acrimony and you never know when your thoughtfulness may come back to help you.

 

[bernardgreen]

Sorry the marriage didn't work. Sometimes it is better to be good friends rather than married.

Are there any children ?

If there are then it may be better for them not to see mum packing up the things.

Take care

Bernard

 

[notb665]

Thanks for all the replies.

Yes, I do not trust her. She is very bitter and thinks I have a mental problem and thinks I have found someone else. I will be around.

There are no children, in fact that has been a part of this.

Some items have already been hidden/moved, including my good guitars!

It was my decision, but only because of stuff she had/hadn't done.

 

[Bahco]

Very sad time for you

Good luck

 

[Thermo]

Luckily ive never been divorced, however i lived with a girl who went behind my back and really treated me very very very badly. I remeber the day i walked out with a few boxes of bits and pieces i owned and nothing else. I woke up the next day in the lounge of my brothers building site of a house, with no heating, on a matress on the floor, two weeks before christmas and with lots of debt thanks to her . The painters had thrown dust sheets over me and my stuff and didnt realise i was there! I remember waking up and thinking god what have i done, my lifes crap.

Rest assured life does get better and easier. material things can be replaced and you start to live a different life. I laugh about it now, so take heart and keep smiling!

 

[notb665]

Thank you all.

It does hurt, I tried everything over the years to make her want to be with me properly emotionally, rather than her Mum. It has felt like one big struggle. I've had enough.

This is all slightly complicated by the fact that after years of rubbish/little physical interaction despite me trying/offering everything, and after I started proceedings, a friend and I did something we kind of shouldn't have, quite a few times, over a number of weeks. Now she is pregnant. We are very happy about that though. We are planning our new life together. It keeps me going.

 

[Thermo]

gets easier with time. You have something wonderful to look forward to, thats more than a lot of people in your position have. believe me all the pain now and the sleepless nights to come are worth every second once that little bundle arrives!

 

[keyplayer]

Lol...

 

[libby lou lou]

Believe or not, had practically the same situation, it put me on my toes, now, years later(20 ) a better woman and a lesson learned, things do get better, You can make it that way, you will laught again,trust me, good luck.