G
Goldberg
I'm starting a new party, which will undertake to implement the following legislation:-
1. No company with the word "gas" in its name will be allowed to supply electricity. And vice versa.
2. It will be illegal, having asked a question, to interrupt the person who's providing the answer.
3. Standing still at the top of an escalator entitles anyone arriving behind you to push you over and tread on your neck, with full immunity from prosecution.
4. Saying the word "pretty" in front of the word "please" will be punishable by having to wear a pink tutu for a week.
5. The death penalty will be introduced for tailgating. Not for anything else; just tailgating.
6. Doctors' receptionists will be redeployed. F*ck it - who am I kidding - just kill them.
7. All cars found within 100 yards of any school or school gate, except for those driven by the registered disabled, will be destroyed. And no you can't just get your handbag out first. For "people carriers" the exclusion zone is 200 yards.
8. Litter louts will be screwed up into a ball and tossed into the nearest canal or lay-by.
9. Any violent crime will be punishable by writing out the line "I must not commit <name of the crime>", one million times. That's right - one million. And while writing them having to listen to Joe Pasquale singing "I know a song that'll get on yer nerves, get on yer nerves, get on yer nerves...".
10. Banks. Not sure yet. Tarring and feathering, clearly, but the rest will come to me at the right moment.
Vote Cantankerous B*stard. You know it makes sense.
1. No company with the word "gas" in its name will be allowed to supply electricity. And vice versa.
2. It will be illegal, having asked a question, to interrupt the person who's providing the answer.
3. Standing still at the top of an escalator entitles anyone arriving behind you to push you over and tread on your neck, with full immunity from prosecution.
4. Saying the word "pretty" in front of the word "please" will be punishable by having to wear a pink tutu for a week.
5. The death penalty will be introduced for tailgating. Not for anything else; just tailgating.
6. Doctors' receptionists will be redeployed. F*ck it - who am I kidding - just kill them.
7. All cars found within 100 yards of any school or school gate, except for those driven by the registered disabled, will be destroyed. And no you can't just get your handbag out first. For "people carriers" the exclusion zone is 200 yards.
8. Litter louts will be screwed up into a ball and tossed into the nearest canal or lay-by.
9. Any violent crime will be punishable by writing out the line "I must not commit <name of the crime>", one million times. That's right - one million. And while writing them having to listen to Joe Pasquale singing "I know a song that'll get on yer nerves, get on yer nerves, get on yer nerves...".
10. Banks. Not sure yet. Tarring and feathering, clearly, but the rest will come to me at the right moment.
Vote Cantankerous B*stard. You know it makes sense.
