Is it just me, or...? 
1 Work out the square metreage of paint you are going to need. Then realise you have done it wrong and double it.
2 Spend a long time looking at colour charts and about £30 on testers which will be nothing like the advertised shade.
3 Finally give in and buy paint!
4 Let paint sit around in tins for a few weeks.
5 Realise you have to prepare surfaces which involves sanding and washing all walls and woodwork.
6 Get depressed.
7 Hand-sand all walls and woodwork since you don’t want to spend money on hiring a sander.
8 Wish you had spent money on hiring a sander.
9 Spend several days trying not to breathe in dust, and being covered in dust, leading to alarming appearance you have aged fifty years.
10 Feel like you have aged fifty years.
11 Dress your grazes and allow your arm muscles time to develop.
12 Open a cupboard and realise contents are covered in plaster dust.
13 Shut cupboard.
14 Finally wash down all walls and woodwork.
15 As you need a dry day to paint, it will now rain for a week.
16 Attempt to coat a freshly plastered wall in watery base emulsion as per book.
17 Frantically attempt to coat wall, although paint is soaking into plaster at 3 litres per nanosecond.
18 Develop welts and blisters from roller handle.
19 Mix up more base emulsion to feed thirsty wall, apply with bleeding palms.
20 Wall is dry in 40 seconds.
21 Blisters take a week to heal.
22 View walls with bitter and jaundiced eye for a while
23 Finally grit teeth and struggle to open tin of coloured paint.
24 Realise paint is too thick and colour coverage is uneven.
25 Paint entire walls with small brush to get good coverage.
26 Reeling and cross-eyed, finish touching up missed patches.
27 Nearly fall off stepladder several times.
28 Realise you have only painted one room.
29 On the plus side, you now have beautifully toned arms.
30 Return to beginning and repeat for other rooms!
Written at 3 a.m. after painting my hallway. **Need to get out more**
1 Work out the square metreage of paint you are going to need. Then realise you have done it wrong and double it.
2 Spend a long time looking at colour charts and about £30 on testers which will be nothing like the advertised shade.
3 Finally give in and buy paint!
4 Let paint sit around in tins for a few weeks.
5 Realise you have to prepare surfaces which involves sanding and washing all walls and woodwork.
6 Get depressed.
7 Hand-sand all walls and woodwork since you don’t want to spend money on hiring a sander.
8 Wish you had spent money on hiring a sander.
9 Spend several days trying not to breathe in dust, and being covered in dust, leading to alarming appearance you have aged fifty years.
10 Feel like you have aged fifty years.
11 Dress your grazes and allow your arm muscles time to develop.
12 Open a cupboard and realise contents are covered in plaster dust.
13 Shut cupboard.
14 Finally wash down all walls and woodwork.
15 As you need a dry day to paint, it will now rain for a week.
16 Attempt to coat a freshly plastered wall in watery base emulsion as per book.
17 Frantically attempt to coat wall, although paint is soaking into plaster at 3 litres per nanosecond.
18 Develop welts and blisters from roller handle.
19 Mix up more base emulsion to feed thirsty wall, apply with bleeding palms.
20 Wall is dry in 40 seconds.
21 Blisters take a week to heal.
22 View walls with bitter and jaundiced eye for a while
23 Finally grit teeth and struggle to open tin of coloured paint.
24 Realise paint is too thick and colour coverage is uneven.
25 Paint entire walls with small brush to get good coverage.
26 Reeling and cross-eyed, finish touching up missed patches.
27 Nearly fall off stepladder several times.
28 Realise you have only painted one room.
29 On the plus side, you now have beautifully toned arms.
30 Return to beginning and repeat for other rooms!
Written at 3 a.m. after painting my hallway. **Need to get out more**
