One for ninebob

[AdamW]

OK Simon, now you are out of the hotel game, I was thinking you could clear up a few hotel questions that have been building up:

1) The minibar - what's all that about? The name suggests the bar is mini, not the drinks! And every time I have been sat in a hotel bar drinking, the nuts are free... why do they cost so much in a minibar?

2) Are films correct about hotels? That is to say, if you have a word with the barman (obviously in the full-size bar), does he really send you up a callgirl with a name like "Candy"?

3) Are there any secret codes or special handshakes? What I mean is, if I am checking in at a hotel, be it the Swindon Travel Lodge or the Burg al Arab, is there a special handshake that will get me upgraded to the Presidential suite with a 20 oz fillet steak and Candy from question 2? All without me getting asked difficult questions about my expenses form later on?

I know, it's all a longshot, but they write books on "Secrets of fruit machines" and other such useless bo**ocks. If you could write a book on "How to get yourself upgraded to a better room every time" then it would be not only useful, but also an instant best-seller with every salesrep and business traveller in the western world! Granted it would lose it's efficacy after a week on sale, but who cares by that point?

 

[ninebob]

1.) Because it's an easy revenue opportunity! Sell small drinks at big prices, easy profit! Because let's face it, by the time you've retired to the room you're not going to nip out to the off licence, are you?

2.) Beleive it or not, that's true! In all the hotels I have worked for, reception can put you in touch with the local "ladies of the night" and will normally direct them cordially to your room when they arrive...

3.) Pretend to be a "mystery guest". Most hotel chains have external agencies send people in from time to time to inspect and report on standards. As you check in, try to conspicuously take note of every detail (let the receptionist clock you looking at his/her badge, etc). If you fool them into thinking you're an auditor you're onto a winner!

 

[AdamW]

I might give number 3 a try next time I'm in a hotel... reminds me of that Fawlty Towers episode.

Number 2 surprises me, not sure I would be trying that one but I will watch out for attractive ladies who seem to know the concierge rather well!

 

[pipme]

Ahh, memeories of finding a decent pub, whilst away, steak sandwich for £1-50 and a bill for £12-50 (early 80's) --- The dear old expenses game --

 

[AdamW]

I have never done such a thing, but I misread a French receipt once and accidentally claimed for the change instead of the cost (a bottle of water for which I claimed €3.50 instead of €1.50!).... I was paid a visit by my boss's boss who gave me a very long lecture on the perils of expenses fraud, and finished with "If you are going to do it, at least make it believable!"

So if that is what happens if you accidentally claim about £1.20 too much on a week's trip with a total expense claim of nearly £2000, I would hate to see what happens if you deliberately fiddle forms! I know it goes on, I have had people try to get me in on their fiddles but I am too honest to do that, I would be on edge for months!

 

[AdamW]

A couple of times I have been waiting behind someone to check out of a hotel, with them demanding their bill be changed to let them fiddle their claims. Simon must have encountered this a lot.

Come on Simon, what's the most pi**-taking hotel bill fiddle request that has been made to you? Drink spending = room cost? Trying to get "Candy's services" entered as "newspapers"?

 

[ninebob]

I've worked for both Marriott and Hilton, both of which use the same computer system on which it's almost impossible to disguise one item as another. One concession they both make (as policy, you don't have to request it) is that TV porn is listed on the room bill as "Room Service 2". Of course, because this is known, I would still get people arguing to remove it from the bill because their boss would know exactly what it was! As a manager with revenue in mind I would always stick to my guns and offer to split it onto a separate invoice for the guest to pay themselves!!

 

[jtaunton]

If you stay at a Travel-Inn and have cause to complain, they give you your money back, but because you pay in advance then you still have your receipt, which you could claim for if you were that way inclined. Besides, the company expects to pay for a night away, and it was you that was stood in a freezing shower at 5 am anyway............

 

[pipme]

I have never done such a thing, but I misread a French receipt once and accidentally claimed for the change instead of the cost (a bottle of water for which I claimed €3.50 instead of €1.50!).... I was paid a visit by my boss's boss who gave me a very long lecture on the perils of expenses fraud, and finished with "If you are going to do it, at least make it believable!"

So if that is what happens if you accidentally claim about £1.20 too much on a week's trip with a total expense claim of nearly £2000, I would hate to see what happens if you deliberately fiddle forms! I know it goes on, I have had people try to get me in on their fiddles but I am too honest to do that, I would be on edge for months!

My post was not really about a fiddle, back then the allowance for dinner was £12-50, or eat in Hotel, I guess a group of guys working away looked for fun too, so a steak sandwich with a bill for £12-50 was ok ... I mean if one did not 'eat' the £12.50 then one drank most of it !! No limits were exceeded ...
I was always very one dimensionally rule concious until accompanying directors on several trips, "Tis all in the creative interpretation my boy ..The trick is knowing when and how" I was assured.... you live and learn ... sometimes ! But then you couldn't really 'fiddle' as there were strictly applied limits anyway ... twas in your own interests to use to the limits.

 

[AdamW]

Oh, I wasn't accusing you of fiddling, an allowance is worth having

We have a policy that allows so much for food, and so much for wine (I think you are allowed a half-bot per person, or a whole bottle if you are on your own), I have never come close to the limits on my account, but for a while I worked for a senior chappy who was not constrained by the same rules. It was great, expensive hotels, and I had a few dinners that cost two days worth of my salary, plus another day for drink!

He even had a drinking routine:
two pints of lager to start the evening in the hotel bar (apart from one hotel where it was always Guinness),
a bottle per person at the restaurant,
on returning to the hotel bar 2 more pints,
champagne (only a couple of glasses mind, don't want to overdo it!)

Then, after all that, at about 1am... hold a meeting!

 

[planenut]

In my previous occupation, I was called to a hotel to settle a dispute between a punter who had performed some low down diving feat on a lady of the night and then refused to pay cash; if I remember the outcome I exchanged names and addresses (yeah) and referred her to the small claims court - not thinking that her "claim" may have been somewhat larger than others.

 

[AdamW]

I have heard of cases where someone has called the police because a drug-dealer/courier ran off with their money and didn't bring any drugs, runs in a similar vein to that I guess