sat nav voices

[ladylola]

At a recent wedding party I ended up talking to a guy who told me he was a member of a facebook campaign to get Brian Blessed to voice a sat nav, you get the idea --
"TAKE THE THIRD EXIT AT THE ROUNDABOUT!"
I'll admit that I don't really understand these campaigns or how they work butl that got us to talking about who else would or wouldn't make a good voice
For example
Terry Thomas-
"Turn left you absolute shower"
John Le Mesurier sergant Wilson from Dad's army--
"I say would you mind awfully turning right please?"
and then there are ones that just wouldn't be any good-
Gordon Ramsey-
You really couldn't have him on with kids in the car
margret Thatcher-
Not for turning so pointless anyway!

Any body come up with any more?

 

[joinerjohn]

I already have Ozzy Osbourne (swearing), Steve Irwin (croc hunter) Prof Stephen Hawking, John Cleese and other voices on my sat nav.
PS can't stand Brian Blessed

We could have Gordon Brown on sat nav " Turn left and take the road you should have been going down earlier, if not sooner, before the later road I talked about earlier." " The estimated time to your destination has now changed, due to the economic climate and the financial constraints of the European Union. "

 

[Blasphemous]

I have Joanna Lumley talking to me on my TomTom...

"You have reached your destination darling", Love it!

 

[wotan]

I would like a sat nav that acknowledgeds your route is better than theirs, it could say for instance, thats good I must remember that

Wotan

 

[ColJack]

ah, a learning sat nav.. great idea..


put it in learning mode then drive down all those new bypasses that it thinks are still car parks and fields..
have a button on the screen that puts in speed cameras when you press it..

 

[ladylola]

I think I should be the one learnng here, I didn't know that sat navs were voiced by celebs in the first place , ours is just a slighty patronising mid atlantic woman who until recently when I managed to reprogramme her started pretty much every journey with " turn onto the M6 toll road"

 

[joinerjohn]

When driving South on the M6, my sat nav always told me to keep in the left hand lane then keep right.
Took me onto the M42 up to Birmingham Airport then turn right round, head back the way I came until it got the correct route. (bloody map is a few years out of date)
Caught me out twice before I cottoned on and used to follow the road signs.
Then it put me in the middle of Farmer Giles's field for 2 miles.

 

[geraint]

even better.... can the sat navs actually get you to your destination....

 

[conny]

even better.... can the sat navs actually get you to your destination....

Yes, but usually in a roundabout way!

I went to a place called Lostock near Northwhich the other week. It took me over the Runcorn Bridge, skirted the edge of the M56 then across country down some winding lanes for gawd knows how far before reaching the road where I wanted to go. It then told me I had reached my destination, a small garage on the left, whereas I wanted the big chemical works on the right!
Next time I went I ignored the satnav, went down the M6 to junction 18, turned right, along a 60mph A class road for about 5 or 6 miles, turned right and about 1 mile further on there was the chemical works!

 

[HOGGY952]

At a recent wedding party I ended up talking to a guy who told me he was a member of a facebook campaign to get Brian Blessed to voice a sat nav, you get the idea --
"TAKE THE THIRD EXIT AT THE ROUNDABOUT!"
I'll admit that I don't really understand these campaigns or how they work butl that got us to talking about who else would or wouldn't make a good voice
For example
Terry Thomas-
"Turn left you absolute shower"
John Le Mesurier sergant Wilson from Dad's army--
"I say would you mind awfully turning right please?"
and then there are ones that just wouldn't be any good-
Gordon Ramsey-
You really couldn't have him on with kids in the car
margret Thatcher-
Not for turning so pointless anyway!

Any body come up with any more?

Yeah
"Turn the steering wheel 90 degrees to the right, otherwise you will be wearing it"

"Hang a left"

"You dumbfook, you just passed the junction"

"We didn't get where we are today by using sat nav for guideance"

"Whoa, reverse thrust, back a bit more"

"Toll bridge ahead, tell them your a friend of the fat controller - free access"

 

[joinerjohn]

I used to travel from Oldham every Friday, back home to Derby.
The quickest route was the Manchester ring road out to the M56, then out to the M6 South, off at the A50 right through to home.
I once set it to the shortest route just to see where it took me. Crikey, I even thought the sat nav was lost at one point. Up hill, down dale, through small villages I didn't even know existed. Took almost 3 1/2 hrs to get home that day. Oh how I laughed (not).

(but at least it was 30 odd miles less) Usual route was do-able in less than 2 hrs.

You'll have even more fun if you try to set a sat nav up for high vehicles or wide vehicles. I set a route for a 7.5 tonne lorry over 7ft wide and 14ft high. Christ,, only 5 miles down the road and it brought me to a low bridge. Trying an alternative route brought me to a narrow lane the lorry wouldn't fit through.
Cheers TomTom.

 

[Donkmeister]

I had an in-car GPS back when the cheapest ones were still £800 - comparing that old Garmin to SWMBO's new TomTom I find that TomTom is no better at navigating or rerouting than the old Garmin.

But, TomTom does have many advantages. Speed camera reminders are handy, as is having the whole country/continent preloaded on the device (I used to have to plan ahead and load maps onto the device in advance of any trip!). Oh, and TomTom isn't the size and weight of a brick!

 

[geraint]

even better.... can the sat navs actually get you to your destination....

that means no then..,...
Yes, but usually in a roundabout way!

I went to a place called Lostock near Northwhich the other week. It took me over the Runcorn Bridge, skirted the edge of the M56 then across country down some winding lanes for gawd knows how far before reaching the road where I wanted to go. It then told me I had reached my destination, a small garage on the left, whereas I wanted the big chemical works on the right!
Next time I went I ignored the satnav, went down the M6 to junction 18, turned right, along a 60mph A class road for about 5 or 6 miles, turned right and about 1 mile further on there was the chemical works!

 

[ladylola]

Any body come up with any more?

Yeah
"Turn the steering wheel 90 degrees to the right, otherwise you will be wearing it"

"Hang a left"

"You dumbfook, you just passed the junction"

"We didn't get where we are today by using sat nav for guideance"

"Whoa, reverse thrust, back a bit more"

"Toll bridge ahead, tell them your a friend of the fat controller - free access"

Hoggy's got the idea although who would say these? Better have a guess I suppose--
first one I dunno maybe one of the bald blokes from eastenders?
second one Clint Eastwood?
third one absolutely no idea
fourth one CJ from Reginald Perrin
fifth one sounds as if it could be Max and Paddy?
and the last one maybe Ringo starr as Gordon the big engine?

 

[LastMagicBean]

I'd like to have an argumentative sat nav........

Men can set it up for when their wives use it...

(Two voices...)
"Turn left 50 yards"......
"Nope that's madness, continue to the roundabout and take the second left, It will be quicker".........
"No it wont".......
"YES IT WILL"

That sort of thing......

Just make sure your not in the car with your wife at the same time......