Once upon a time there was a woodcutter who lived in the woods, in a beautiful log home, a home he had dreamed of building all his life. As part of the build, the builders installed 180 square metres of lovely pine floor which finished the house off nicely, and the woodcutter was happy.
The woodcutter then decided, after much deliberation and investigation, that he would like to light stain the floor and finish off with an oil and wax. So, the woodcutter set about finding a company of good standing who could perform this task. Recommended by the company who produced such wonderful products, a company of long good standing, the woodcutter was introduced to the flooring company from hell. "We can have the floor of your dreams in 4 days" said the evil contractor, and the woodcutter was smitten by his promises. Repeatedly assured that the contractor had worked with pine (the woodcutter new that pine flooring was a bitch of a job unless you know what you are doing), the woodcutter was convinced.
The contractor got his 3 dwarfs to start sanding immediately and within 48 hours the floor was as smooth as the royal princess's bottom (the royal princess had a nice bottom apparently).
Hoorah, Hoorah, everything looked good and they started to apply the stain. And this, my friends, is where the evil spell started to kick in. The staining was perfect colour, but as the dwarfs had used a circular sander, all of a sudden dark swirls started to appear across the whole floor, like an army of mice had been ice skating overnight, and all was not good.
So the dwarfs re-sanded the whole floor again with a drum roller, re-applied the stain, and we waited. Lo and behold, the next day, instead of micey swirls we had deep burrs where the belt sander had not been used correctly.
The evil contractor then, with his wicked tongue, convinced the woodcutter that once the oil has been applied, and with a swoosh of a magic wand, the burrs would disappear and never be seen again. So, the dwarfs, armed with 10 litres of very expensive oil, set about oiling the floor with the circular buffer. And we waited.
The next day, the woodcutter had decided to build a gallows for the evil contractor and his dwarfs as he knew what was coming. By the way, 2 weeks have now passed on this 4 day contract, spring had sprung, the birds were singing in the garden and the runner beans had sprouted. After finishing the gallows, the evil contractor and his dwarfs arrived to inspect the finished floor. Upon opening the door of the log home, there was much ranting and raving by the woodcutter who rushed to get his chainsaw for a dwarf cutting spree. The floor had bore all the characteristics of a Beirut roller skating rink after a nights heavy shelling.
At this point, the evil contractor was told in no uncertain terms to remove his dwarfs from whence they came or they would be hanged on the gallows, take his goods and tackle, and go back to his evil lair where he could sit and contemplate his navle. And as for any requested recompense, he would be paid if he could circle the globe in 40 days on a unicyle carrying 2 sheep on his shoulders, other than that , the pieces of silver were staying firmly in the woodcutters purse.
Oh Woe is the woodcutter. Two weeks have passed and his floor is royally screwed, what can he do.
Armed with a gerbil sized orbital sander, he set to work on his floor, to try and fix what had been done. Late nights and early mornings came and went and eventually he managed to get the floor into some assemblance of order.
The floor bore all the looks of an oiled cottage floor with absolutely no sheen whatsoever, which did look nice. Once cleaned with the appropriate cleaning solution, the floor took on a sheen that not only enhanced the look, but brough the colour of the stain and the sheen to a beautiful dimension, one that a final wax was not going to achieve.
So the woodcutter got back on this forest internet connection and investigated further and finally decided to abandon the wax idea altogether and go for a satin based varnish. He needs one that is quick drying as he is now living in the forest log home with his forest animals (2 mutts). The problem is that rather than go through the pain of having to resand the whole dance floor sized area he would hope for something that could just be applied over what has been done.
Much investigation has brought him to a Kingly product (apparently) from a UK company called Blackfriars who, lo and behold, have a quick drying satin varnish that will , according to the instructions, GO OVER any existing varnish oil or wax. Truly a miracle put together by witches of the good variety me thinks, or is the loley woodcutter just being nieve.
Has any of you good people outside the forest world actually used the aforementioned products, do you think this is possible, or am I just heading for more trouble.
Please help as I am just about to go on a killing spree in the forest if I cannot resolve it, starting with the squirrels.
Regards
The Woodcutter
The woodcutter then decided, after much deliberation and investigation, that he would like to light stain the floor and finish off with an oil and wax. So, the woodcutter set about finding a company of good standing who could perform this task. Recommended by the company who produced such wonderful products, a company of long good standing, the woodcutter was introduced to the flooring company from hell. "We can have the floor of your dreams in 4 days" said the evil contractor, and the woodcutter was smitten by his promises. Repeatedly assured that the contractor had worked with pine (the woodcutter new that pine flooring was a bitch of a job unless you know what you are doing), the woodcutter was convinced.
The contractor got his 3 dwarfs to start sanding immediately and within 48 hours the floor was as smooth as the royal princess's bottom (the royal princess had a nice bottom apparently).
Hoorah, Hoorah, everything looked good and they started to apply the stain. And this, my friends, is where the evil spell started to kick in. The staining was perfect colour, but as the dwarfs had used a circular sander, all of a sudden dark swirls started to appear across the whole floor, like an army of mice had been ice skating overnight, and all was not good.
So the dwarfs re-sanded the whole floor again with a drum roller, re-applied the stain, and we waited. Lo and behold, the next day, instead of micey swirls we had deep burrs where the belt sander had not been used correctly.
The evil contractor then, with his wicked tongue, convinced the woodcutter that once the oil has been applied, and with a swoosh of a magic wand, the burrs would disappear and never be seen again. So, the dwarfs, armed with 10 litres of very expensive oil, set about oiling the floor with the circular buffer. And we waited.
The next day, the woodcutter had decided to build a gallows for the evil contractor and his dwarfs as he knew what was coming. By the way, 2 weeks have now passed on this 4 day contract, spring had sprung, the birds were singing in the garden and the runner beans had sprouted. After finishing the gallows, the evil contractor and his dwarfs arrived to inspect the finished floor. Upon opening the door of the log home, there was much ranting and raving by the woodcutter who rushed to get his chainsaw for a dwarf cutting spree. The floor had bore all the characteristics of a Beirut roller skating rink after a nights heavy shelling.
At this point, the evil contractor was told in no uncertain terms to remove his dwarfs from whence they came or they would be hanged on the gallows, take his goods and tackle, and go back to his evil lair where he could sit and contemplate his navle. And as for any requested recompense, he would be paid if he could circle the globe in 40 days on a unicyle carrying 2 sheep on his shoulders, other than that , the pieces of silver were staying firmly in the woodcutters purse.
Oh Woe is the woodcutter. Two weeks have passed and his floor is royally screwed, what can he do.
Armed with a gerbil sized orbital sander, he set to work on his floor, to try and fix what had been done. Late nights and early mornings came and went and eventually he managed to get the floor into some assemblance of order.
The floor bore all the looks of an oiled cottage floor with absolutely no sheen whatsoever, which did look nice. Once cleaned with the appropriate cleaning solution, the floor took on a sheen that not only enhanced the look, but brough the colour of the stain and the sheen to a beautiful dimension, one that a final wax was not going to achieve.
So the woodcutter got back on this forest internet connection and investigated further and finally decided to abandon the wax idea altogether and go for a satin based varnish. He needs one that is quick drying as he is now living in the forest log home with his forest animals (2 mutts). The problem is that rather than go through the pain of having to resand the whole dance floor sized area he would hope for something that could just be applied over what has been done.
Much investigation has brought him to a Kingly product (apparently) from a UK company called Blackfriars who, lo and behold, have a quick drying satin varnish that will , according to the instructions, GO OVER any existing varnish oil or wax. Truly a miracle put together by witches of the good variety me thinks, or is the loley woodcutter just being nieve.
Has any of you good people outside the forest world actually used the aforementioned products, do you think this is possible, or am I just heading for more trouble.
Please help as I am just about to go on a killing spree in the forest if I cannot resolve it, starting with the squirrels.
Regards
The Woodcutter
