Telemarketing....get your own back!

[hermes]

This website contains a script you can use when a telemarketer starts to ask you questions. I haven't had chance to use it yet but have printed it out and I'm looking forward to the next telemarketing call I get.

It might be interesting to post any results on here if anyone wants to give it a go; I wonder if anyone will get as far as the toothpaste question?

http://www.xs4all.nl/~egbg/counterscript.html

 

[pickles]

This website contains a script you can use when a telemarketer starts to ask you questions. I haven't had chance to use it yet but have printed it out and I'm looking forward to the next telemarketing call I get.

It might be interesting to post any results on here if anyone wants to give it a go; I wonder if anyone will get as far as the toothpaste question?

http://www.xs4all.nl/~egbg/counterscript.html

I use a much shorter script. The second word is "off" and it works everytime

 

[WoodYouLike]

I always scare them by asking if they have ever heard of the Telephone Preference Service.
If yes, I tell them they are breaking the law

If not, I tell them they are breaking the law.

Yesterday one of these 'brainheads' told me they weren't cold-calling, they use an automatic dialing system! Ehhh?

 

[notb665]

I always scare them by asking if they have ever heard of the Telephone Preference Service.
If yes, I tell them they are breaking the law

If not, I tell them they are breaking the law.

Yesterday one of these 'brainheads' told me they weren't cold-calling, they use an automatic dialing system! Ehhh?

That website is great, thank you.

I work from home and these calls are a real pest. Nowadays I just hang up; it was hard at first as I hate bad manners but it's easier now. lol. Better not to receive them at all though - I was aware of a service but didn't know what it was - thanks again WYL.

 

[hermes]

TPS doesn't work very well for me, I've been on it for ages but I don't think it applies to limited companies, nor does the MPS.

 

[WoodYouLike]

Who can register?

The term individual includes consumers at their residential address, sole traders and, except in Scotland, partnerships.

I still scare them off 9 out of 10 callers don't know about the list or that Ltd's are not included.

 

[hermes]

I still scare them off 9 out of 10 callers don't know about the list or that Ltd's are not included.

Yes, but the fact remains that you are still getting the calls. Whether you mention the tps to them or you tell them where to go, you have still had to answer the phone.

 

[WoodYouLike]

Yeah I know. Consider it practising my 'bad' English

 

[noodlz]

I won't put up with that kind of language on this forum

 

[Thermo]

i just always tell them that were doing an offer on groundcare maintenance. They normally go huh? I say that perhaps i should speak to the head of their maintenance section, they normally get confused as i bombard them with more info and questions, until they point out they called me and i normally apologise for wasting their time and then loudly point out their wasting my bloody time too, just before i slam the phone down.

I do use the TPS but it seems to have mixed results

 

[David E]

The TPS is only for UK based companies that get their numbers for "lists" or the phone book and therefore doesn't stop whoever in Dehli from trying it on. However the worst part is that it doesnt stop UK companies who use powerdialers to generate random phone numbers, often they may dial 100 numbers but only have 10 operators to answer the calls that are answered. That's why sometimes the phone will ring but there will not be anyone on the other end as there is no available operator.

 

[Steve]

The TPS is only for UK based companies that get their numbers for "lists" or the phone book and therefore doesn't stop whoever in Dehli from trying it on. However the worst part is that it doesnt stop UK companies who use powerdialers to generate random phone numbers, often they may dial 100 numbers but only have 10 operators to answer the calls that are answered. That's why sometimes the phone will ring but there will not be anyone on the other end as there is no available operator.

there's a tell-tale silence when they do this - the machine dials, then you answer and it attempts to patch your call through to an operator - there is a 3-4 second delay while it does this (if successful), i just hang up before they pick up. If someone's ringing and really wants to speak to me, they respond straight away, not wait 5 seconds.

 

[David E]

You could try some of these

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money.

2. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one these days seems to care, and I have all these problems. My arthritis is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died . . . "

3. If they say they're John Doe from XYZ Company, ask them to spell their name. Then ask them to spell the company name. Then ask them where it is located, how long it has been in business, how many people work there, how they got into this line of work if they are married, how many kids they have, etc. Continue asking them personal questions or questions about their company for as long as necessary.

4. This works great if you are male. Telemarketer: "Hi, my name is Judy and I'm with XYZ Company. " You: Wait for a second and with a real husky voice ask, "What are you wearing?"

5. Cry out in surprise, "Judy? Is that you? Oh my God! Judy, how have you been?" Hopefully, this will give Judy a few brief moments of terror as she tries to figure out where she could know you from.

6. Say "No" over and over. Be sure to vary the sound of each one, and keep a rhythmic tempo, even as they are trying to speak. Sing in an operatic voice if possible. Or a "Tiny Tim" falsetto. This is most fun if you can do it until they hang up.

7. If BT calls trying to get you to sign up for the Family and Friends Plan, reply, in as sinister a voice as you can, "I don't have any friends, would you be my friend?"

8. If the company cleans rugs, respond: "Can you get out blood? Can you get out goat blood? How about human blood?"

9. After the Telemarketer gives his or her spiel, ask him or her to marry you. When they get all flustered, tell them that you can't just give your credit card number to a complete stranger.

10. Tell the Telemarketer that you work for the same company, and they can't sell to employees.

11. Answer the phone. As soon as you realize it is a Telemarketer, set the receiver down, scream, "Oh my God!" and then hang up.

12. Tell the Telemarketer you are busy at the moment and ask him/her if he/she will give you his/her home phone number so you can call him/her back. When the Telemarketer explains that telemarketers cannot give out their home numbers say, "I guess you don't want anyone bothering you at home, right?" The Telemarketer will agree and you say, "Me either!"
Hang up.

13. Ask them to repeat everything they say, several times.

14. Tell them it is dinner time, but ask if they would please hold. Put them on your speaker phone while you continue to eat at your leisure.
Smack your food loudly and continue with your dinner conversation.

15. Tell the Telemarketer you are on "home incarceration" and ask if they could bring you some beer.

16. Ask them to fax the information to you, and make up a number.

17. Tell the Telemarketer, "Okay, I'll listen to you. But I should probably tell you, I'm not wearing any clothes."

18. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke.
"Come on, Leon, cut it out! Seriously, Leon, how's your momma?"

19. Tell them you are hard of hearing and that they need to speak up .
. . louder . . . louder . . .

20. Tell them to talk very slowly, because you want to write every word down.

 

[hermes]

I was once in my mate's office when he got a telemarketing call. They asked him how he was and he said not too good, he'd just lost the will to live!
Another time I was in his office and he got a call from yellow pages re advertising. He put the call on speakerphone so that 3 of us could listen then he told the caller that they needed to speak to Derek. The caller asked to speak to Derek so my mate put the phone down and went to the door and called DEREK, then he went back to the phone and said Derek was on his way up the field on his tractor and would be there in a minute and would she mind holding. By this time all 3 of us were p*****g ourselves so we left it for a bit then I went to the phone and panting loudly said 'yes?' The caller started to talk about yellow pages and I said in my best farmers accent did you get me all the way up the field for this, you need Brian. She asked to speak to Brian so I said he's up a ladder shooting sparrows and would she like me to take the phone up to him. We would have kept this up but we all had the giggles and she must have heard the sniggering because she started laughing and said she would ring back later.

 

[keyplayer]

This article by Jon Ronson may induce a little sympathy.


http://www.guardian.co.uk/weekend/story/0,,1695278,00.html