The Jeremy Kyle 12 days of Christmas.

[seco services]

12 cans of carling,
11 DNA tests,
10 dads to choose from,
9 teeth between them,
8 squeezed in tracksuits,
7 stinking smackrats,
6 Dunlop trainers,
5 stolen rings,
4 fat slags,
3 ugly tw*ts,
2 timing c**ts,
and a w*nker who parades them on TV……

 

[Space cat]

And this one is for drivers everywhere:

Twelve buses stopping
Eleven children crossing
Ten taxis turning
Nine lorries loading
Eight vans reversing
Seven gaffers watching
Six men a-digging
Five bi-ig holes --

Four traffic jams
Three roads closed
Two diversion signs --

And a car pa-ark in a pear tree