True story.
Mate of mine is an auto-electrician and fits top end high spec alarms, trackers music systems. He had a job on a Saturday morning at a well to do address, big drive in drive out gaff. Problem number one is he went out on the lash the night before and it all ended very messily at about 5.00am. His workmate came to pick him up and he was in a bad way but left for work albeit about 45 mins late. He grabbed a coffee at a Mcdonalds on the way and started to feel a bit better, got to the job and apologised profusely for being late. The husband and wife were a bit frosty with him as they were waiting to go out so they left him with the keys of the wifes car and disapeared saying back later.
So they start to fit whatever it was to the car and are cracking on great guns when the Mcdonalds coffee gripped him with its lethal laxative effect. This combined with the ale and curry consumed the night before meant a toilet was very high on his list of priorities so he went wandering around the outside of the house looking for the gardeners bog. No luck, there wasn't one, now he's starting to get in a bad way, severe cramps, sweating etc. He could see that there was a toilet just inside the lobby/hallway of the house. In desperation he took the car keys he'd been given and rushed up to the front door and with trembling hands and hopping from foot to foot opened the front door with the attached house keys. He threw open the door and a Jack Russell terrier shot past him out of the door and down the drive like Billy Whiz.
Grab the effing dog screamed my mate to his colleague dropping his trousers and stumbling into the cloakroom. Well gentle reader I will not describe in great detail the next 30 seconds in the toilet but he said it reminded him of a clip he'd seen of 350 aircraft passengers leaving a plane in an emergency drill (if anyone has seen the movie dumb and dumber they will know the scene I am trying to paint) The smell was awful apparently. Anyway, without pausing for any paperwork he hauled his trousers up and legged it out of the house.
The dog has done a serious runner and is nowhere to be seen so the pair of them jump in their van and drive off looking for the little swine. About 20 minutes later they were on the point of giving up when they find the missing canine wandering down the grass verge, they catch it up and head back to the job site. They were in sight of the house when they see the husband and wife returning home. Oh noooo, well what a sight greets them, their car left unattended, doors, bonnet and boot open, the front door of the house open with the keys still in the lock. My mate pulls up on the drive about 30 seconds after and sees the lady of the house walking into her hallway right next to the unflushed toilet. Nooooo.
Well he did the only thing he could do, told the truth, gave a hefty discount on the job and finished up as quick as. The bloke saw the funny side of it but his old lady didn't.
My mate has sinced moved to Australia and we have lost touch but that tale will stay with me forever, when he told me in the pub that night I was nearly ill with laughter. Thanks mate.
Mate of mine is an auto-electrician and fits top end high spec alarms, trackers music systems. He had a job on a Saturday morning at a well to do address, big drive in drive out gaff. Problem number one is he went out on the lash the night before and it all ended very messily at about 5.00am. His workmate came to pick him up and he was in a bad way but left for work albeit about 45 mins late. He grabbed a coffee at a Mcdonalds on the way and started to feel a bit better, got to the job and apologised profusely for being late. The husband and wife were a bit frosty with him as they were waiting to go out so they left him with the keys of the wifes car and disapeared saying back later.
So they start to fit whatever it was to the car and are cracking on great guns when the Mcdonalds coffee gripped him with its lethal laxative effect. This combined with the ale and curry consumed the night before meant a toilet was very high on his list of priorities so he went wandering around the outside of the house looking for the gardeners bog. No luck, there wasn't one, now he's starting to get in a bad way, severe cramps, sweating etc. He could see that there was a toilet just inside the lobby/hallway of the house. In desperation he took the car keys he'd been given and rushed up to the front door and with trembling hands and hopping from foot to foot opened the front door with the attached house keys. He threw open the door and a Jack Russell terrier shot past him out of the door and down the drive like Billy Whiz.
Grab the effing dog screamed my mate to his colleague dropping his trousers and stumbling into the cloakroom. Well gentle reader I will not describe in great detail the next 30 seconds in the toilet but he said it reminded him of a clip he'd seen of 350 aircraft passengers leaving a plane in an emergency drill (if anyone has seen the movie dumb and dumber they will know the scene I am trying to paint) The smell was awful apparently. Anyway, without pausing for any paperwork he hauled his trousers up and legged it out of the house.
The dog has done a serious runner and is nowhere to be seen so the pair of them jump in their van and drive off looking for the little swine. About 20 minutes later they were on the point of giving up when they find the missing canine wandering down the grass verge, they catch it up and head back to the job site. They were in sight of the house when they see the husband and wife returning home. Oh noooo, well what a sight greets them, their car left unattended, doors, bonnet and boot open, the front door of the house open with the keys still in the lock. My mate pulls up on the drive about 30 seconds after and sees the lady of the house walking into her hallway right next to the unflushed toilet. Nooooo.
Well he did the only thing he could do, told the truth, gave a hefty discount on the job and finished up as quick as. The bloke saw the funny side of it but his old lady didn't.
My mate has sinced moved to Australia and we have lost touch but that tale will stay with me forever, when he told me in the pub that night I was nearly ill with laughter. Thanks mate.
