dealing with rudeness/awkwardness from a mutual friend

[HawkEye244]

What would you do if a mutual mutual friend asks you for a favour to help them for a day or two doing some work for a friend of theirs, and they leave you to negotiate a rate with their friend?

This happened to me and quite frankly I was embarrased as he knows what to pay me (mates rate per day) but left me in the embarrassing situation of having to get the money from their friend, and negotiate the extra half day as we didn't finish due not getting it done in the one day.

My instinct is telling me this is not on and that he needs to be told it's not right. The other part of me is not sure how to behave.

To be clear this is a friend of the family, not someone I spend any time with socially. He calls me up when he needs a favour, so I don't feel obliged to work for nothing, especially as the work involved is extremely hard graft, and he is not the easiest to get along with.

I'd appreciate some wisdom from you fellas.

Should I say something or just leave it ?

 

[Notch7]

Its tricky.

However one rule in business, always find out who the contract is with. It may seem obvious, but I get jobs which the builder pays for, sometimes the client pays.

It may seem different when dealing with friends or relatives, but its the same. I would just simply ask who is paying you, you say what the rate is and additional cost should it go over. Just be matter of fact. In reality people are much happier knowing the arrangement.

I would be tempted not so say anything this time, but take a business lije approach if it happens again.

 

[HawkEye244]

Yeah you're right I guess I assumed it was with the mutual friend and not his friend.

I guess I made the mistake of thinking he wouldn't be so rude. To be honest it's not the sort of thing I would do to anyone, so to have it done to me, I felt very disrespected.

Good lesson though you're right. Have to make a thing of getting it sorted straight away and don't leave it.

It felt bad especially as his friend was trying to talk down the work done in the time frame, which felt bad, seeing as I work to his pace and not the other way around. I took it badly I'll admit. Actually spent the journey home fuming and not saying anything which I hope he noticed, although he's so thick skinned I doubt he did.

 

[TicTac]

He should have negotiated the work rates as it was effectively his job, but you should also have sorted things out with him beforehand, so you're partially to blame. But remember that not everyone works the same way that you do, and you felt awkward because he dumped you in it. If he'd told you how things were going to go down, and why he wanted you to do your negotiations, you may have been more prepared, and not put on the spot.

But he doesn't work the same way that you do, and you don't really like him, so unless you're desperate for the work, avoid him in the future

 

[Notch7]

Yeah you're right I guess I assumed it was with the mutual friend and not his friend.

I guess I made the mistake of thinking he wouldn't be so rude. To be honest it's not the sort of thing I would do to anyone, so to have it done to me, I felt very disrespected.

Good lesson though you're right. Have to make a thing of getting it sorted straight away and don't leave it.

It felt bad especially as his friend was trying to talk down the work done in the time frame, which felt bad, seeing as I work to his pace and not the other way around. I took it badly I'll admit. Actually spent the journey home fuming and not saying anything which I hope he noticed, although he's so thick skinned I doubt he did.

Any decent person would have made sure you got paid without any awkwardness, so I wouldnt say it was your fault.

It seems to me, if you hadnt have asked, you wouldnt have got paid at all.

Next time he asks for a favour, it seems to me are going to say, 'thank uou so much for the offer of sone work, sadly I havent got any free time available.....ever'

 

[noseall]

Sounds to me like the guy doing the paying is a cun....

Let him know.

 

[HERTS P&D]

Family or very close friend then the work I do is free, anyone else will get a price - take it or leave it.

Andy

 

[Mottie]

That’s my rule too.

Perhaps the OP should leave it for this time but next time the family friend phones up to ask for help he should say something like "How much is the pay - I don’t want to be put in the embarrassing position I was put in last time having to ask the client”. If the pay is acceptable he could tell him he will only be working for the family friend so the pay will come from him. If not acceptable, tell him how much he wants and tell him to take it or leave it.

 

[motorbiking]

I used to sell services - we had a saying knowns as the whore's dilemma - the value of your service is worth less after its delivered. Get agreement on rates before the work starts. But unless your friend was making a margin on you, its for you to agree it.

 

[HERTS P&D]

And that's why the Whore wants paying first!..............apparently?



Andy

 

[Nige F]

I say ! "The tom's dilemma" would be more appropriate for this family forum

 

[HawkEye244]

I appreciate the feedback.

Sadly it went very sour this morning and we had a falling out.

I value everyone's views, especially TicTac you are right I am partially to blame for allowing myself to be taken advantagous of. A smarter person would get everything agreed before they lifted a finger, I let my guard down and got stung I guess. I knew he was a certain type of person, should have known better than to trust him.

I'm owed a days work and some other favours which I've called him in on. Silence now.

I'm not the type to rant and rave about it. I'll wait for him to think about a response, otherwise.. not sure. What's the point in arguing with someone that just wants to slip out of owning up to being wrong? That's all he'll do from experience. Waste of words on my part.

It's not his client's/friends fault, I've not said one word to them. It's between me and him. If he doesn't pay then it'll hang over both of us until something gets sorted and we can agree never to speak again. I'm not prepared to be shafted out of money though, not sure what to do about it, know what I'm not going to do obviously.

Anyway I'm relieved now I've levelled the field, he won't get to put me in a situation like that again. I'm annoyed at myself for being taken advantage of. The other favours he owes me going back years, unbelievable really, I feel such a mug.

Anyway thanks. Case closed.

 

[Ian H]

Get Andy to shag his missus.

 

[gasbanni]

Lesson learned, but why is he not paying the extra ?

It might be easier to draw a line under it and put your rates up a bit for your friend the next time he asks .....just say your short and need extra !

 

[Seafarer1966]

There are givers and takers in life. The gentleman who owes the money is a taker. Not worth being a called a friend. Just someone your family is acquainted with by the sound of it.

Not quite on the same level I had a similar issue with one of my step-daughters until recently. She was telling her mates and people she knew that I could give them a hand before consulting me on it. Luckily the wife (model no. 2) was entirely on my side about the situation and clarified things for the step-daughter. She's a bit icy with me when we do converse but last time I looked in the mirror I didn't see the face of concern looking back at me.

It's called being taken advantage of. I put chronic borrowers in the same category. Always borrowing stuff and it comes back knackered or not at all.

Perhaps speak in detail with your family members who are acquainted with this individual and let them know what a difficult situation it put you in. Hope it works out but if it doesn't remember that the message is already out there that you ain't a pushover. Best.