DEPRESSION

[tony1851]

I thought you would have recognised the covering up depressives learn to do and their uncontrolled reactions to their loved ones.

I do.

My initial comment seems to have unintentionally drawn some stick, but this thread does raise an interesting point.

I don't want to tread on anyone's toes, and can understand and sympathise with those with depression. But is it taboo to also consider those who live with depressives and who have to put up with behaviour which has been posted here?

Is it not permissible to ask what would happen if the depressed person had no loved ones to take it out on, no one to bring the bacon home, no one to try and keep some semblance of order in day-to-day life?

So yes, I do understand, but that's what love is about - 'for better or worse' and all that.

 

[Hysteresis]

Is it not permissible to ask what would happen if the depressed person had no loved ones to take it out on, no one to bring the bacon home, no one to try and keep some semblance of order in day-to-day life?

Sorry about your 'How Come' Comment.
I think what happens to the person to which you refer is that they spiral down into a bottomless pit as the just can't work for a living and social security probably will not accept depression as a condition that prevents working, therefore the poor depressive ends up with not being able to feed or house himself and the result is a homeless , cold, starving human being.
Support and understanding of loved ones is crucial and acceptance by the depressive that serious help is required. It is a long hard trail to learn how to live with the condition as it certainly is not curable maybe controllable with a lot of help and effort.

 

[LastMagicBean]

Is it not permissible to ask what would happen if the depressed person had no loved ones to take it out on, no one to bring the bacon home, no one to try and keep some semblance of order in day-to-day life?

Interesting, but it would make very little difference IMO.

My girlfriend sadly took her own life many years ago. Nothing would have changed that, loved ones or not.

 

[Mikefromlondon]

I thought I had 10 cats, didn't know I have a black dog as well! pardon my humor!

The important thing is to identify the cause of depression, I think the main cause of depression is disappointments in life, things not working your way, things like not able to find a good job, or simply unable to find a job, short of money, pressures mounting on you to pay huge bills, owing debts, things that you want but can't afford them, some things are essential and some are not, and then relationship problems, girlfriend dating someone else, or the one you like is not interested in you.

so when you look everywhere you you find that other people all seem very happy everywhere enjoying their lives, yet you are stuck indoors unable to play along in life like other people, due to short of money, or due to lack of self confidence, or even due to some other medical condition that stops you from doing things in life or simply enjoying your life.

You become very Self consciousness and develop new phobias of places, of people, you think people dislike you, but its you who don't make an effort to go out more and mix with them, you think they ignore you, this builds up putting you more down each day, it grows like a leaded weight, buries you deeper and deeper into this rut that never seem to wanting to go away, you think you will never be able to get up again, unless someone you know comes and lifts you up with a crane, persuades you to go along with them together to places, holidays, or anywhere for that matter, with financial help.

but you turn them down, others don't have too much patient to hang around if you are not going to help yourself, so they will then leave you alone, and go alone or take someone else, you will then think they have singled you out, left you behind, so when someone offers any help, take it, be in their accompany, learn and see how they cope in life, how well they are motivated despite having very similar problems in life i.e, lack of money.

by now you have given up on all things and are no longer interested in anything, you tell them sorry mate I am not feeling well, or I am busy, you just go ahead without me, for you every task becomes like climbing a mountain, things that took you hours takes you days to accomplish, your efficiency becomes poor, you can't concentrate on one thing, and start on one thing and leave it half finished and start on another, you spend more time thinking about what you are going to do than actual time doing it, this tires you more mentally, you find your memory is becoming weak, you can't remember things, miss appointments, in the end nothing appears to matter much in life, you are exhausted most of the time, you feel all your energy has drained, and you feel there is nothing that can help you, because no one is going to give you a million pound!

But amazingly, I know someone who is 80 and is very energetic for his age, still looking forward to at least 20 years more from his life, and has such a high positive attitude to life despite two broken hips, and has no money! He lives on £100 a month! except he is under court of protection so he can't spend the rest of his money, as he was spending too much and paying scammers thousands of pounds, so a COP order had to be applied to his bank account! yet his enthusiasm and looking forward to life amazed me completely, he is looking to buy a small Toyota Yarris and has been persuading me to come along but i am avoiding him only because he has no money to pay for it!

However, some anti-depressants can have bad side effects, but there are some mild ones that can help, they help you to concentrate so that you achieve tasks more quickly, have more time to relax and more time to enjoy life. get in touch with your GP.

 

[masona]

The important thing is to identify the cause of depression, I think the main cause of depression is disappointments in life, things not working your way, things like not able to find a good job, or simply unable to find a job, short of money, pressures mounting on you to pay huge bills, owing debts, things that you want but can't afford them, some things are essential and some are not, and then relationship problems, girlfriend dating someone else, or the one you like is not interested in you.

I don't know, isn't that more of stress problem than depression?

 

[Hysteresis]

Mike from London raises some interesting perceptions of Depression.
I am not sure about identifying the cause of depression. This assumes there is a cause and depressions the effect. Sometimes I think that depression is not the cause of the problem. To put it another way, No work/no money/no friends etc etc produces depression. That can be true, but also the opposite can be apparent. Depression causes you to have No friends, no money, no work. Cause and effect are difficult to determine in a lot of cases.
There are a few High Profile so called celebrities trying to understand it all. Ruby Wax, a depressive herself is studying the condition to try to understand it.
In answer to seeing a GP, well we have been seeing our GP for 12 months now and although very understanding, the subject is really a specialist area and GP's, with respect, know a little about a very lot and depression is a very complex subject.
In our case the situation developed into a Black out which was suspected as a seizure but that has not been confirmed. We are having MRI and EEG tests in a couple of days to try and determine any possible causes of the Blackout.
once again a snowballing of depression because the Blackout could be Epilepsy, A Tumour, or a one off unexplained event. Of course for the depressive it is without doubt a terminal Brain Tumour, and further descent into deep depression. The never ending spiral continues and the hope is that the MRI/EEG shows it not to be one of those dreadful conclusions, but that will not break the cycle. We will try Cognitive Therapy if all physical possibilities for the Blackout are eliminated,but the MRI/EEG results will not be presented until after Christmas.
I suspect that the Root Cause of our situation will be Brain Scarring which resulted from Bacterial Meningitis 20 years ago. That event caused deep depression at the time but we all assumed that the depression evaporated after a couple of years recovery. Maybe that has not been the case.
I would be interested if anyone on this forum has had any experience of depression caused by Meningitis.
Thanks everyone for you thoughts.

 

[Big Tone]

Both my sister has had it and my ex in America, Carrie. In fact Carrie, who was bipolar and on Lithium, once put it to me well. People can understand if you have a broken leg or empathise with a cancer. But if you have a ‘broken mind’ they think you’re making it up and why don’t you just “pull yourself together”.

I myself have often wondered if I’m not clinically depressed because I have been on a downward spiral for some years. But no one would tell; neither family nor at work. It’s a subject I could go into detail and explain but unfortunately there are too many p1ss-taking trolls on this Board to keep it on topic and serious. (Doubtless he/they will surface soon enough).

My sister is now off the medication and what I will say is the side effects were bad! She used to have the most terrible nightmares which were made worse when they experimented with a different drug. I don’t know what the nightmares were, I didn’t ask and I could see they were too disturbing for her to recall. But whatever it was she couldn’t get back to sleep afterwards and started to dread going to bed.

As you say Hysteresis, it’s a serious topic and at this time of year many will take their own lives. (So hardly an unreal or imagined problem for many). I hope your son finds a way to live and love life again. At least he’s got an understanding and supportive dad

Take care yourself

 

[Daz66]

no-one ever sees this side of her, just me and the kids.

How come?

Its simple really, to others she seems reserved, shy, distant and she is happy for them to see this, she doesn't push for attention nor discuss her problems (perceived or otherwise) with anybody not even her family.

This reclusiveness builds up over days and weeks and I then get an outpouring of emotions, these can range from weeping and feeling sorry for herself through to violent rages. She will not ever show this side of herself to anyone other than me and the kids.

I believe there is a root cause for her depression, an experience she suffered during her formative years and the way she was brought up, there is also an hereditary factor as one of her aunts, cousin and a brother have all suffered mental health issues too.

Sometimes its difficult for even me to get a handle on how she is doing, some days even I deal with it differently, sometimes its a "oh come on now pull yourself together" and others its a sit and hold hands and cuddle, it all depends where she is in the cycle.

The problem is breaking the cycle, over the last 11 yrs she has coped with some things that I thought would send her spiraling down and other times a sink full of washing up will send her over the edge, there is no rhyme or reason to it. Unfortunately she wont talk to anyone, not even the professionals who have tried to help, all of the counseling hasn't helped and she refuses to take the drugs, so she is stuck on the cycle and only she can make the decision to break it!

 

[freddiemercurystwin]

Prozac Nation by Elizabeth Wurtzel is a very insightful read into the condition IMO and well worth a read. It is a bit self-indulgent but it’s a good insight nonetheless.

 

[DiscoDancer]

I think I can empathise, a little, with the other posters.
A friend of mine, I describe as being like "a house of cards".
When the base is stable and free from any distortion, then they cope just as well as anyone.
But any slight tremble or unexpected disruption and the whole seems to fall into a heap.
It takes hours, days, weeks, even months to regain that stable platform again, depending on the difficulty of stabilising or removing the unwanted disruption.
Then it's just a case of trying to forsee and forestall any further unexpected disruption.
Any foreseeable disruptions are circumvented, sometimes without their knowledge. Or, if that's not possible, it's a case of preparing them carefully for the forthcoming situation.

Strictly speaking they should be taking medication, but they dislike it intensely because they end up dozing their way through life. So they avoid taking it if at all possible.

 

[Hysteresis]

My initial posting was in hope of helping anyone suffering Depression either personally or a close friend/relative/loved one, to appreciate what the sufferers endure.
From the very serious and intelligent posting that resulted, it demonstrates the diversity of the condition. Everyone is different, some respond to medication, some respond to therapy. Triggers for the depression are different, even different for the same person. The effects are also different for each person. Is it any wonder the medical profession and all of us experiencing it, have difficulty understanding it.
There are some very emotional postings which I hope helps the writer as a problem shared is often a problem halved, although halving a problem like depression is almost impossible, but talking about it may help.
I thank also the 'Trolls' who have thankfully stayed clear of this very serious posting and respecting the problems depression causes.
Maybe more DIYers may want to vent their experiences, as talking about it all, always helps even if it is a little but a little is a lot in this condition.
I still recommend any person involved with depression to watch the clip originally posted as it as helped me enormously in appreciating depression but I will never Understand it.
For convenience I repeat the Link
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XiCrniLQGYc

 

[Mikefromlondon]

Indeed there is not one single cause of it, it is generally said to be caused by being not happy with things as they are, or the way things effect you, having an anxiety is another cause of it, as anxiety means something that is bothering you and you don't know what the out come will be of that something, in your son's case it is his medical condition.

But Hysteresis, I feel for you and your son, for his undiagnosed medical condition, thankfully it is not what you both feared, which is what I said is the main cause of his depression, anybody with that condition cannot avoid being depressed, I don't know how old is your son, but you are there for him, that is important for him, very important for him to know that you will always be there for him. This sure will relieve some stress on his mind, remove his anxiety.

Make him feel that he is very important to you, that you need him just as much as he needs you. Condition his mind, in other words fight his mental fear, the black dog, tell him that there are all sorts of people with even worst disabilities, and medical conditions, and they are trying to make most of this life and getting as much out from life.

I hope you all have a good sit together Xmas, and be happy and loving as a family, thats most important. I genuinely hope that your son will be told that his condition is curable, and that he is just like a normal person except as a normal person he may be restricted from doing many things that normal people aren't such as driving etc. I wish him full recovery, he must help himself and fight this debilitating mental block.

Wish you all a Merry Xmas and a happy New 2014.
mike

 

[masona]

I myself have often wondered if I’m not clinically depressed because I have been on a downward spiral for some years.

I think to a degree this will hit all of us in our lifetime, I sometime feel very low and fed up but could be thinking it's depression when it's not because I have the experience to see the difference with my father deep depression, as far as I know he has nothing to worry about although he never to talk to me about the war but once said to me "All I see is this black hole and I can't get out, I don't want to live anymore" To me depression is an illness not a weakness

 

[Mikefromlondon]

/\ how true, no matter how strong a person you are, including mentally strong, but there comes a time when this thing takes you over very slowly inch by inch, you think you will never scum to it, you know you are a strong fighter, you know how strong you are, but comes a time when you start realising that some things are beyond our control, that we have no say over these things, our bodies are a fine example, you could be mentally very strong, but in the end it is our frail bodies that have to do things and help us to accomplish things, but no matter how strong your mind is if your body starts to slack and lag energy, you start to feel let down by your own self, you see yourself as a failed person, you feel your life has been wasted, all because we took our physical body for guaranteed, we start ageing slowly, we know we are getting older each day, but we still pretend that we are going to remain forever young, our mind infact never gets old, it may change its thinking, your attitude to life changes as you gain more life changing experiences, but then there comes a time when you look in the mirror, and you know mirrors don't tell lies, it then suddenly hits you like a ton of bricks that you are definitely old and no longer in the prime of your youth that you thought until yesterday, that is depressing very depressing, but we can't hide forever, so best thing is to get on with it, take it on the chin, changes are inevitable, getting old is part of life and everyone will have to face that so take it with honour, and accept it rather than deny it.

This is when you realise are you two different persons inside you, one being the physical you, and the other being the non-physical you!

That is when you start to understand the real truth! that is when you realise there must be something out there

 

[Hysteresis]

That is when you start to understand the real truth! that is when you realise there must be something out there

I agree whole heartedly with you Mike, apart from the last bit. It rather does the opposite for me. But this thread is not about that, it is about the horror of Depression and the unpredictability of its manifestation. One day you can feel 'Normal', then the next day for no reason what so ever you are back to the feelings of worthlessness that is depression. In our case my son was very successful in his chosen career, on the brink of a Board Appointment to an International company, then it all fell apart. I think the depression is amplified with thoughts of what might have been and that there is no career recovery. My thought is, who wants a career that does this to you, it is not worth it. But the demons remain and the thought of 'I've thrown it all away persist. What we hope will come out of it all is that he ends up with a non stressful employment (if such a job exists) that pays the bills and give a few small luxuries but with happiness and contentment.
I have said so many times My measure of success in life is simply Happiness and if good health is thrown in then that is an enormous bonus.
Bye the way Mike, I suspect you are a little more than a DIYnot contributor, judging from the quality of your input and very welcome advice !!!!
Merry Christmas to all.