FAO Agile

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We all have our cross to bear...



Dear Mr. Architect:
Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion.

My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make sure the plans are such that the bedrooms can be easily added or deleted. When you bring the blueprints to me, I will make the final decision of what I want. Also, bring me the cost breakdown for each configuration so that I can arbitrarily pick one.

Keep in mind that the house I ultimately choose must cost less than the one I am currently living in. Make sure, however, that you correct all the deficiencies that exist in my current house (the floor of my kitchen vibrates when I walk across it, and the walls don't have nearly enough insulation in them).

As you design, also keep in mind that I want to keep yearly maintenance costs as low as possible. This should mean the incorporation of extra-cost features like aluminum, vinyl, or composite siding. (If you choose not to specify aluminum, be prepared to explain your decision in detail.)

Please take care that modern design practices and the latest materials are used in construction of the house, as I want it to be a showplace for the most up-to-date ideas and methods. Be alerted, however, that kitchen should be designed to accommodate, among other things, my 1952 Gibson refrigerator.

To insure that you are building the correct house for our entire family, make certain that you contact each of our children, and also our in-laws. My mother-in-law will have very strong feelings about how the house should be designed, since she visits us at least once a year. Make sure that you weigh all of thses options carefully and come to the right decision. I, however, retain the right to overrule any choices that you make.

Please don't bother me with small details right now. Your job is to develop the overall plans for the house: get the big picture. At this time, for example, it is not appropriate to be choosing the color of the carpet. However, keep in mind that my wife likes blue.

Also, do not worry at this time about acquiring the resources to build the house itself. Your first priority is to develop detailed plans and specifications. Once I approve these plans, however, I would expect the house to be under roof within 48 hours.

While you are designing this house specifically for me, keep in mind that sooner or later I will have to sell it to someone else. It therefore should have appeal to a wide variety of potential buyers. Please make sure before you finalize the plans that there is a consensus of the population in my area that they like the features this house has.

I advise you to run up and look at my neighbor's house he constructed last year. We like it a great deal. It has many features that we would also like in our new home, particularily the 75-foot swimming pool. With careful engineering, I believe that you can design this into our new house without impacting the final cost.

Please prepare a complete set of blueprints. It is not necessary at this time to do the real design, since they will be used only for construction bids. Be advised, however, that you will be held accountable for any increase of construction costs as a result of later design changes.

You must be thrilled to be working on as an interesting project as this! To be able to use the latest techniques and materials and to be given such freedom in your designs is something that can't happen very often. Contact me as soon as possible with your complete ideas and plans.

PS: My wife has just told me that she disagrees with many of the instructions I've given you in this letter. As architect, it is your responsibility to resolve these differences. I have tried in the past and have been unable to accomplish this. If you can't handle this responsibility, I will have to find another architect.

PPS: Perhaps what I need is not a house at all, but a travel trailer. Please advise me as soon as possible if this is the case.
 
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(I am nothing like an Architect but frequently have to "help" customers define their requirements)
 
The correct response is:

Dear Mr Customer,

I am sure I can design and build the house you want for only £100,000. In the event of changes or unforeseen eventualities, there will be a nominal contingency charge of £1,000 per day plus materials and subcontrators at cost plus 25%.
 
Just for the record, we dont get wound up when someone says "My boiler is not working so whats wrong". We are accustomed to that.

What we do find rather annoying is when we ask questions to enable us to determine the fault and the owner totally refuses to answer and just decides to fixate on what he wrongly thinks is the problem.

Tony
 
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"I dont know which fellow Fin was refering to but one that comes to mind was a fellow who was doing three "A" levels including law. He wanted to give that up and do a plumbing apprenticeship even though he has a girlfriend taking a law degree. "

It was this poor kid
http://www.plumbingpages.com/forums/viewmessages.cfm?Forum=10&Topic=5410

All educated people will know that my advice to take a law degree first is the correct advice. I also know that his girlfriend will leave him sooner or later when immersed in a world of high earning and smooth talking and eloquent lawers although I did not say that to him. In the snooty legal world a solicitor just would not be promoted if their husband was known to be " just a plumber "!

I just encouraged him to take a degree first just as all learned judges would.

Most of this is rubbish but I did not finish secondary school and took my degree at nights in my thirties. Lord Justice Auld drove a truck prior to law (as did I), the law is full of ordinary people doing a good job. If I wanted big bucks I would work in a different area of law but I like client contact.

Criminal and immigration law is poorly paid but this is mostly done by overseas trained lawers who cannot do the full range of legal work.

Complete rubbish! and no I'm not polish.

Coincidentally, I do need a solicitor for two different jobs but I have a severe mental strain in employing a solicitor who charges more per hour than I would for a whole day.

Tell me your problems and I will do my best to help you or at least point you in the right direction.
 
Hey Mods, what about another section - Legal Issues.

===================================
That is an admin issue, but this is a DIY forum
 
General Fin O`Shea........Th****er`s mate :LOL: Therefore Irish ;)
 
Fin.... I have just checked your link to the post that you have said that Tony was offensive to the young chap seaking help and this is what i found.

You could try, if you have not already, the screwfix forum.

Keep at it because there will eventually be someone who can help. It will be better to say what transport you have and how far you will be prepared to travel and what your home/family arrangements are.

I would be happy to help you if you could come to London but I dont do installations only boiler repairs.

Try contacting local people about 6.45 in the evening after they have got home. Be ready to explain your situation clearly and simply and see if they can help.

Tony

Seems friendly enough to me.
 
I agree wif noodles and scat

whats wrong with that

Agile you git fancy being polite and understanding to a poster what would softus say


:):):):)
 
It was this that i found OTT

"There is really no point on posting the same thing on different forums or even different headings.
That just wastes our time! Dont you realise the same people visit all these forums and headings?

Tony "


but I went on to say that Tony had put it right after
 
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