Good God!

[Vinty]

Which reminds me of Ian paisley going into heaven where he was met at the pearly gates by St Peter who said give me three reason why I should let you in. Says Paisley, I gave an elderly priest a lift to mass a few weeks before I died, That's not good enough replies St Peter. Well, continues Ian, a few days before I passed on a priest took my confession. Impressive, nods St Peter but still not sufficient. The day I died, says Ian, I paid a priest £10 to say masses for me in perpetuity. Just wait there says St Peter who comes back a few minutes later, thrusts two crumpled fivers into Paisley's hands and says now sod off.

The Reverand Ian Paisley erected a huge sign outside his church, it said, £5000 to any Roman Catholic who converts to Free Presbyterianism.
Two Roman Catholics called Seamus and Patrick saw the sign, Seamus says to Patrick, "Patrick, go see Dr Paisley and find out if his offer is genuine".
Patrick goes into the church, half an hour later he comes back out with Dr Paisley, Paisley shakes Patricks hand and gives him a wad of cash.
Patrick walks down the steps of the church counting the cash, Seamus rushes over to him and says, "Wow, the offer was genuine, What about giving me a few quid then" Patrick turns to Seamus and says, "Feck off ya fenian Barstewerd".

 

[gas112]

two priests went to a rodeo. Neither had ever ridden a bull before but both were game to try.
The first priest got on his bull, 30 seconds later he was off and on his arse on the ground .
The second priest fared better, however! He lasted for five whole minutes on the bull giving it yippee yay ayes waving his arm .
The first priest asked "How did you hold on so long!? You said you have never ridden one before!" to which the second priest replied:
I havent but i used to have an altar boy that was an epileptic

 

[Vinty]

What Church do Protestants affiliate with in Northern Ireland? I've never known. Is there just one? I'm sure I remember something about the DUP having links to a particular branch of Protestantism.

Most if the DUP are Free Presbyterians
The late Rev Ian Paisley founded the church. It has branches as far away as Australia.
Paisley split the Presbyterian church in Ireland by breaking away and forming his own church.
He also split the Unionist party by forming the DUP.

Free Presbyterian Church of Ulster - Wikipedia

en.m.wikipedia.org

 

[gas112]

one of the oldest orange lodges is the mohawk indians formed in 1848

 

[blup]

The Reverand Ian Paisley erected a huge sign outside his church, it said, £5000 to any Roman Catholic who converts to Free Presbyterianism.
Two Roman Catholics called Seamus and Patrick saw the sign, Seamus says to Patrick, "Patrick, go see Dr Paisley and find out if his offer is genuine".
Patrick goes into the church, half an hour later he comes back out with Dr Paisley, Paisley shakes Patricks hand and gives him a wad of cash.
Patrick walks down the steps of the church counting the cash, Seamus rushes over to him and says, "Wow, the offer was genuine, What about giving me a few quid then" Patrick turns to Seamus and says, "Feck off ya fenian Barstewerd".

Touché​

 

[blup]

The Reverand Ian Paisley erected a huge sign outside his church, it said, £5000 to any Roman Catholic who converts to Free Presbyterianism.
Two Roman Catholics called Seamus and Patrick saw the sign, Seamus says to Patrick, "Patrick, go see Dr Paisley and find out if his offer is genuine".
Patrick goes into the church, half an hour later he comes back out with Dr Paisley, Paisley shakes Patricks hand and gives him a wad of cash.
Patrick walks down the steps of the church counting the cash, Seamus rushes over to him and says, "Wow, the offer was genuine, What about giving me a few quid then" Patrick turns to Seamus and says, "Feck off ya fenian Barstewerd".

As you know sanctity of life is an issue in NI politics so both sides were determined to address this in their campaign literature. We will support people from birth to death promised the DUP flyers. SF immediately promised to support everyone from cradle to grave. Not to be outdone paisley thundered that he would protect his voters from conception to resurrection.