Matzchik

[Odds]

Schwartz, an elderly man, is resting peacefully on the porch of his small hotel outside Boca when he sees a cloud of dust up the road. He walks out to see who could be approaching: It is a Southern farmer with a wagon.
“Good afternoon,” says Schwartz.
“Afternoon,” says the farmer.
“Where you headed?” asks Schwartz.
“Town.”
“What do you have in the wagon?”
“Manure.”
“Manure, eh? What do you do with it?”
“I spread it over the fruit.”
“Well,” says Bernstein, “you should come over here for lunch someday. We use sour cream.”

 

[Odds]

Bloomberg, on a business trip, found himself using a public toilet. He had just made himself comfortable when he noticed that the toilet paper roll was empty. He called out to the next stall, “Excuse me, friend, but do you have any toilet paper in there?”
“No, I’m afraid there doesn’t seem to be any here, either.”
Bloomberg paused for a moment. “Listen, he said, do you happen to have a newspaper or a magazine with you?”
“Sorry, I don’t.”
Bloomberg paused again, and then said, “How about two fives for a ten?”

 

[Odds]

Max and Ruthie go to the biggest mall in America. After shopping all day, Ruthie realizes she’s lost track of her husband. She searches all over but can’t find him so she calls him frantically.

Max, where are you? I’ve looked everywhere!”

“Ruthie, do you remember that jewelry store we visited years ago, and there was a pair of diamond earrings you fell in love with and i said one day i’ll get them for you?”

“Yes Max, I remember!”

“Well I’m in the sports bar next to that store.”