I got an e-mail today from a 43-year-old local housewife who was bored and looking for some hot action. So I sent her my ironing.
After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex Bill woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman.
It was only then he realised he had made it home safely.
Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year".
Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th as well, then."
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner - it took her 5 hours to hoover the house.
It turns out she was a Slovak.
Since it's been snowing, all the wife has done is look through the window.
If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
I came home today to find all my doors and windows broken and everything gone.
What sort of sick person does that to someone's Advent calendar.
I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.
To be honest, I only intended to rough him up a bit.
After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy.
Nothing.
A lad came home from school and excitedly told his dad that he had a part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25 years.
The dad said, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'll get a speaking part."
I've just had a water bill for £175.
That's a helluva lot - Oxfam can supply a whole African village for
just £2 a month.
Time to change supplier I think.
Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate. When I said white, they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread.
I think they were Hovis Witnesses.
After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex Bill woke up to find himself next to a really ugly woman.
It was only then he realised he had made it home safely.
Paddy says to Mick, "Christmas is on a Friday this year".
Mick said, "Let's hope it's not the 13th as well, then."
My mate just hired an Eastern European cleaner - it took her 5 hours to hoover the house.
It turns out she was a Slovak.
Since it's been snowing, all the wife has done is look through the window.
If it gets any worse, I'll have to let her in.
I came home today to find all my doors and windows broken and everything gone.
What sort of sick person does that to someone's Advent calendar.
I've been charged with murder for killing a man with sandpaper.
To be honest, I only intended to rough him up a bit.
After years of research, scientists have discovered what makes women happy.
Nothing.
A lad came home from school and excitedly told his dad that he had a part in the school play and he was playing a man who had been married for 25 years.
The dad said, "Never mind son, maybe next year you'll get a speaking part."
I've just had a water bill for £175.
That's a helluva lot - Oxfam can supply a whole African village for
just £2 a month.
Time to change supplier I think.
Two women called at my door and asked what bread I ate. When I said white, they gave me a lecture on the benefits of brown bread.
I think they were Hovis Witnesses.
