Public on guard over release of 'dangerous' rottweiler
The public have been put on guard by the news that a dangerous rottweiler is due to be released into the community next June. Legal moves to restrain these animals are being demanded by frightened members of the public in a pre-emptive attempt to reduce the probable carnage.
Last spotted in Manchester, this particular dangerous animal answers to the name of 'John' and has been the object of intense media speculation for the past 12 years. There are reports of him attacking voters, croquet balls and secretaries. He is known to have a poodle as an accomplice, which answers to the name of 'Tony'.
His owner, Mrs Prescott, said today, "I don't know what all the fuss is about. He is a bit boisterous, but he's only being affectionate." She added, "He loves people and gets over-excited very quickly.'
Moves to combat his obesity have failed, and his libido is still unchecked. Feeding him 'eukanuba light' and attempts at castration have led to him going on the run for several days. The public has been advised not to approach him or attempt any type of communication, as it often results in a stream of incomprehensible noise, followed by violence. However, the Home Secretary is to introduce a controversial new law forbidding anyone from attacking the good nature of the breed, in response to the USA's Ethical Treatment of Monkeys Bill.
'John' is unaware of the media frenzy and is currently at home resting, but is not allowed on the furniture.
