Things you can only get away with at Xmas
- Thread starter pickles
- Start date
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Looking forward to that one 
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johnny_t said:
this reminds me of an xmas joke
A man goes into a pet shop to buy his wife a xmas present. All the shop has is a parrot called chet. The man in the shop says, its perfect for xmas watch this, he takes out a lighter lights it holds it under the parrots right claw and it sings "silent night" he shifts it to the left claw and it sings "jinglebells". Great the man thinks so he buys it, takes it home gives it to his wife
xmas day comes and he demonstrates it to her, right claw "silent night" left claw "jingle bells". What happens if I put it in the middle thinks the man, so he does
"Chets nuts roasting on an open fire"
do you want stuffing. has to be said when you are serving food.
has to be said when you are serving food.
M
Moz
good things
being a big kid again with my nephews , play fighting an being "HeMan Master of the Universe"
as I throw them around the room an fight with them with the light sabers I brought "them " last year , an wearing the Darth vader mask an saying "young Luke I am your father "
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
bad ones
being brutally honest after a few drinks about the tasteless Turkey roast too my mother in law 2003...urgh ..I had to wether the fallout for 6months after
having to listen to my father in law retell his boring golf stories as he gets "off his head on 3 pints "every year
having the mother in law forcibly french kiss me on New Years Eve 2000, the only time I was sick while drinking .....
letting my wifes bruv tap me up for money again over Xmas as his wages hadnt been paid in the bank "again" ,an look at his wife an daughter smile ,ashamed an upset at his spiel ,evry year
going around my nans an killing her budgie week before Xmas , "Davey"her only friend ....
went to service her gas fire removed cage to hall , serviced fire an then as I purged the fire the daft old mare put him back next to fire , went in he was dead , I got her another when I could but all over Xmas 2001 , The whole of Cheetham hill new me as the "budgie killer" ,lol
stopping a fight in the Town Centre between two g/friends of drinking mates on Xmas eve 1999 , an as they seperated a mate of one hit me on the bridge of my nose , leaving me sat at the Xmas table in front of family/everyone looking like a nasty binge drinking Thug with 2 black eyes scabby nose
but the classic is having my wifes Sad slutty mate stay with us over Xmas ,
a cross between that scrubber Kerry Katona (rough !) an "a young Liz Mcdonald "
a horrible time ruined my xmas ...
she thought she was Gods Gift to men,dont get me wrong she is a nice looking dirty gal but very loud an full of herself ,
it ruined my stroke with the wife as I could hear her creeping around the landing as my wife an I were intimate ,
an sat having my breakfast as Sue was wondering about in next to nothing an more dirty innuendos than a Carry on Film DVD pack she was cackling ...
things came to a head on New years eve when back at our house early doors she started to do a lap dance as we were knocking back shorts , I had always been diplomatic with her but I told her to not bother as I got steak here an dont fancy a kebab , lol
the cuckoo in the nest flit a few days later ...but even then she was saying to me if you fancy a bit of kebab , give us a ring ,
at the time my wife thought it just funny an thats how Sue is but I told her how upsetting she had made me ..
til I said how would you feel if I brought Gary(a big rough road worker I have a pint with who is very crude an nasty in ale )home to stay .....
that was my worst xmas
being a big kid again with my nephews , play fighting an being "HeMan Master of the Universe"
as I throw them around the room an fight with them with the light sabers I brought "them " last year , an wearing the Darth vader mask an saying "young Luke I am your father "
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
bad ones
being brutally honest after a few drinks about the tasteless Turkey roast too my mother in law 2003...urgh ..I had to wether the fallout for 6months after
having to listen to my father in law retell his boring golf stories as he gets "off his head on 3 pints "every year
having the mother in law forcibly french kiss me on New Years Eve 2000, the only time I was sick while drinking .....
letting my wifes bruv tap me up for money again over Xmas as his wages hadnt been paid in the bank "again" ,an look at his wife an daughter smile ,ashamed an upset at his spiel ,evry year
going around my nans an killing her budgie week before Xmas , "Davey"her only friend ....
went to service her gas fire removed cage to hall , serviced fire an then as I purged the fire the daft old mare put him back next to fire , went in he was dead , I got her another when I could but all over Xmas 2001 , The whole of Cheetham hill new me as the "budgie killer" ,lol
stopping a fight in the Town Centre between two g/friends of drinking mates on Xmas eve 1999 , an as they seperated a mate of one hit me on the bridge of my nose , leaving me sat at the Xmas table in front of family/everyone looking like a nasty binge drinking Thug with 2 black eyes scabby nose
but the classic is having my wifes Sad slutty mate stay with us over Xmas ,
a cross between that scrubber Kerry Katona (rough !) an "a young Liz Mcdonald "
a horrible time ruined my xmas ...
she thought she was Gods Gift to men,dont get me wrong she is a nice looking dirty gal but very loud an full of herself ,
it ruined my stroke with the wife as I could hear her creeping around the landing as my wife an I were intimate ,
an sat having my breakfast as Sue was wondering about in next to nothing an more dirty innuendos than a Carry on Film DVD pack she was cackling ...
things came to a head on New years eve when back at our house early doors she started to do a lap dance as we were knocking back shorts , I had always been diplomatic with her but I told her to not bother as I got steak here an dont fancy a kebab , lol
the cuckoo in the nest flit a few days later ...but even then she was saying to me if you fancy a bit of kebab , give us a ring ,
at the time my wife thought it just funny an thats how Sue is but I told her how upsetting she had made me ..
til I said how would you feel if I brought Gary(a big rough road worker I have a pint with who is very crude an nasty in ale )home to stay .....
that was my worst xmas
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