Tuck me its a joke

[gas112]

Beating a shyte goal keeper with a shot a teenage boy keeper would save is not Skill

 

[Mottie]

Southend is in Essex...

So is that mottie showing off his prehistoric misogynistic side and his reserve 'pole collection'?

Can anyone explain what this sentence means in plain English?

 

[Deleted member 294929]

If you can do the same for the original joke i will have a go.

Blup

A plane crashes into the sea.Nigel Farage is the only known survivor washes up on a desert island where the only things living on the island are a pig and a dog.

After a few days, Nigel begins to feel quite frisky and decides to try and mount the pig. As he goes to take down his trousers, the dog starts to get aggressive towards him so he thinks f**k it and pulls his pants back up.

A few more days pass and Nige tries to mount the pig again, but once more, the dog turns aggressive towards him - so he backs away.

A few weeks pass and Nigel looks out to the ocean and sees a woman screaming for help. He swims out and saves her and brings her back to shore. She says to him "How can I repay you, I'll do anything, anything at all. You name it I'll do it." Nigel replies..."You couldn't take that bloody dog for a walk for half hour could you!"

 

[Deleted member 294929]

Can anyone explain what this sentence means in plain English?

I get the bit where Elle says Southend is in Essex.

It really is.

 

[ReganAndCarter]

You’d be barking up the wrong tree with a fair few of them.

Yes, about 90% by the look of it. I don't mind, as long as I can watch. I mean watch the footie. I think.

 

[ellal]

I get the bit where Elle says Southend is in Essex.

It really is.

It's ellal btw, but then spelling isn't exactly your forte

And it appears that mottie needs a geography lesson ( another of his many failings )...

He clearly doesn't know his arse from his elbow...

And English appears to be his second language...

He does apparently prefer pole ish

 

[Deleted member 294929]

It's ellal btw, but then spelling isn't exactly your forte

I'm 56

 

[Deleted member 294929]

He does apparently prefer pole ish

That's just Racist. I have Polish friends ... !

 

[blup]

To be honest Gas's joke is the funniest on this thread.

Blup

 

[Deleted member 294929]

To be honest Gas's joke is the funniest on this thread.

Blup

O no its not.

 

[Deleted member 294929]

The problem with France is finding decent clean toilets .

Or there are the ones that you have to pay for.
On principle I wouldn't pay I wanted a Brexshit.

 

[mattylad]

Jeez, it was not even the guys own joke and he is getting ****e for it.
"he was sent the post by a friend and thought it was "hilarious", so shared it." just like many others do all day every day, sharing stuff on the internet.

I will be awaiting the pictures of them holding the cup when they win, I'm sure we will see plenty of doctored versions.

 

[carmanmemoranda]

Getting your ti*s out for the lads is a skill in it's own right.

Do you have daughters, grand daughters.

I bet they'd be proud of you .

 

[gant]

Do you have daughters, grand daughters.

I bet they'd be proud of you .

The title of the thread seems to have passed you by.

 

[carmanmemoranda]

The title of the thread seems to have passed you by.

No.

Jokes are funny