Umbrellas - GRR...

[ninebob]

[rant] Umbrellas have to be the most f***ing annoying, stupid invention EVER. They increase the carrier's pavement area by at least double, and always seem to be attached to people who either walk so slowly you can't get round them, or so fast you can't see them coming. Worse still, the damn things have pointy little spikes all round the edge, and with me being 6 foot they're always at eye level, so I have to constantly dodge so as not to get poked in the eye and blinded! You f***ing inconsiderate b**tards - buy a fleece with a hood! [/rant]

Sorry - just got in from town and really needed to get that off my chest, and my other half isn't home!

 

[AdamW]

I too have the same problem. Now, think about the maths.

1) 80% of umbrella users are women
2) women are on average 4" shorter than men

The combination of these two facts adds up to an ugly situation in terms of eye prodding.

I propose that in order to carry an umbrella you must be at least 6' tall. Shorter persons may wear platform shoes to bring themselves up to the legal umbrella-carriers' height.

I find that the best way to protect yourself is if you see an umbrella heading your way that is at risk of hitting you, raise your arm. and direct the umbrella away from you. The umbrella then bounces off your arm instead of your face, and notifies the umbrella-carrying pavement-hog that they should be more careful. Of course sometimes they get angry at you but not as angry as you would have been with a poked eye!

Quite frankly if you are THAT scared of getting wet, then you shouldn't be outside in public anyway. I was brought up in true northern fashion to understand that umbrellas are for fairies and a t-shirt is adequate out-door clothing in November. Also "Newky Brown" is simply referred to as "Broon".

 

[waran]

I find that if you use your umbrella at an angle, sort of like a shield, then the other umbrellas bounce off of yours. Doesn't make you very popular on the daily commute though.

 

[AdamW]

I always found that carrying around a 'cello made me quite unpopular on trains... I had a soft case so the spike came out of the bottom and people in their hurry to push past would sometimes catch themselves on it... not sharp enough to cause any real damage but it would certainly smart!

 

[TexMex]

Have you noticed this common pattern. Anyone, with anything, that makes them bigger, makes them feel invincible. The same thing happens when a car meets a bike. It could be an 18 stone wrestler on the bike, but a little old lady in a mini will treat him as mere trash, to be shoved out of the way.

I remember in my youth while riding my push bike, having a car draw up level with me and then turn left (without indicators). The driver had the cheek to have a go at me for the smashed passenger window, mirror and dented door and front wing and then accused me of overtaking on the inside!

It's the old "might is right" syndrome. Next time it's raining, take a push chair out with you, If they're not paying attention then at least it's their shins and not your eye.

 

[ninebob]

I find that if you use your umbrella at an angle, sort of like a shield, then the other umbrellas bounce off of yours. Doesn't make you very popular on the daily commute though.

Having your umbrella at an angle will also increase the height range of people you can poke in the eye

GRRRRR.....

They should really be banned under some sort of H&S directive.

 

[AdamW]

Have you noticed this common pattern. Anyone, with anything, that makes them bigger, makes them feel invincible.

A sense of higher perceived security can be a bad thing. I think this is part of what causes roadrage attacks. For instance, you are normally a mild mannered person. You go into a pub one night, some big crazy looking guy walks past you and clips you with his elbow. You spill half a pint on your shoes. What do you do? You think "Hmmm, he is big and crazy looking, I don't want my head kicking in" so you leave it.

What if you were in your car? The same guy cuts you up (either on purpose or by accident) so because of your greater sense of security you start flashing your lights, beeping, chasing them etc. You might even roll your window down at the next lights and call them names. But the big crazy guy no like flashy lights and name calling so gets out of his car, and pulls you out of your car via the window and proceeds to kick your head in.

You see, two similar situations, one made worse by the fact that the car makes you feel invincible. I have had people winding their window down and calling me all sorts of names in the past (for daring to beep them when they cut me up). Never has it been someone where I have thought "Ooh, he looks hard, better just look straight ahead". They have always been quite small and wussy looking. Perhaps driving is the only outlet for their violent tendencies!

 

[kendor]

In some cultures carrying an umbrella is treated as a status symbol and is carried by those in authority.

 

[nstreet]

I'm 6'1" and sometimes use an umbrella. What makes me laugh is the people of 5' or so who aren't using an umbrella and feel they need to duck in order to get under your umbrella, when the umbrella is about 3ft from thier head.

Develop the art of umbrella jousting and fend off the spikes with the upright of your umbrellla. Brightens up a dull damp lunch break. Plenty of opportunity to practise in this crap summer weather.

 

[breezer]

In some cultures carrying an umbrella is treated as a status symbol and is carried by those in authority.

so how many have you got ?

 

[TexMex]

In some cultures carrying an umbrella is treated as a status symbol and is carried by those in authority.

In some cultures it's regarded as low status carrying an umbrella. It's the person over whom their holding it that has got the status!

 

[AdamW]

That reminds me of the ONE good thing about umbrellas... the chivalry points one earns for holding one over a lady... and the excuse to have to huddle close under one

However it does your back in sometimes: I'm 6'2" and for a brief period was seeing a girl of 5'0", holding an umbrella where it gave her any benefit involved contortion!

But other than keeping the rain off those not manly enough to accept it and aiding romantic walks, what use is there for the things?!

 

[mildmanneredjanitor]

A sense of higher perceived security can be a bad thing. I think this is part of what causes roadrage attacks. For instance, you are normally a mild mannered person. You go into a pub one night, some big crazy looking guy walks past you and clips you with his elbow. You spill half a pint on your shoes. What do you do? You think "Hmmm, he is big and crazy looking, I don't want my head kicking in" so you leave it.

Did someone call me???


Have you ever noticed the relativity of dryness/grumpy expression on peoples faces??

It always seems to me that the ones (brolly users etc.) are the ones looking the most grumpy, and the ones who are soaked wet through (should have listened to my mother ) are just getting on with it smiling away!

Seriously, take a look, tickles me. (But I should get out more!)

 

[pipme]

You lot need some real problems to overcome !! like the golfers brolly !!

Not the brolly at fault it's the person carrying it, I find I am constantly lifting and angling the thing thus causing oncomers the least necessary avoiding action, this makes it awkward to use and therefore furled ASAP !

Umbrellas ? Be discussing frilly 'y' fronts next !!


P

 

[AdamW]

I dunno, you see most brolly users I see are 5'6 or less (mainly women). In order for them to lift it high enough to clear the heads of other pavement users they would have to lift it so high it wouldn't give them any benefit!

Perhaps whilst we are banishing 4x4s to the unmade lanes in the country, we should send brollies that way too? They are too big and unwieldy for town and city pavements, those who have them often can't control them and studies have shown that in a collision between a brolly user and non brolly user, the non brolly user will come off with injuries.