crafty1289 said:
So a lunatic is speeding about at 6:00am, overtaking in a 40 zone, he overtook me while i was doing 45, residential area.
You sound like one of those dozy coffin dodgers Crafty.
If you're a really good driver like me you can overtake on the approach to blind bends. You see, I've got reflexes to get out of the way when some berk comes the other way on the wrong side of the road, OK?
I'm really quick, so as soon as I get on to the motorway I pull straight out into the fast lane, right? Except, of course, you get a load of jerks there, so I often pass them on the inside and then pull out again and give them a brake test. Sometimes there's too much traffic around, so I use the hard shoulder to get past them.
I always switch my rear fog light on as soon as it gets dark, and that's really good when it's raining, because it blinds people so they won't get too close to me. I'm not bothered about fog lights on other cars, as I always wear my shades. I never switch my headlights on until it's really dark - I can see where I'm going, so why can't everyone else, right? But as soon as it gets dark I switch my headlights on full beam all the time. See and be seen, that's what I say.
When I'm on a country road and the guy in the car in front of me pulls to the right to see if he can overtake other vehicles ahead, I accelerate up the inside, so he can't pull back in. He who hesitates deserves a smack in the gob.
When I'm approaching a T-junction to turn left, I don't slow down; I just chuck the car sideways and join the traffic flow at 70mph. If they hit me up the back, that's their fault, right?
If I'm going along the road and someone shapes up to pass me, I pull out a few feet to stop them. Anyone who tries to pass me must be a right nutter, because I'm brilliant and nobody's as quick as me. If they try a second time, I give them a brake test. If they get alongside me, I'll accelerate and prevent them getting ahead.
When I'm on the motorway and it narrows from three to two, I always drive right to the cones and then pull in to the left. People hoot sometimes, so I give them The Gesture, and maybe a brake test too.
The basic rules of good overtaking are:
Swerve to the right - Indicate - Use the horn - Look in the mirror - Swerve to the left - Give THE Gesture - Brake Test.
Because I'm such a brilliant driver, who never makes any errors of judgment, it's quite impossible for me to have an accident unless it's caused by someone else. There are some real berks around, believe me.