Best Put-Downs?

[gregers]

try this 1 lads,see how brave you think you are,

your laying in bed with your partner and say i love that trick you do
with your mouth.
what trick?.
the one where you shut up and go to sleep.

 

[Whitespirit66]

Mine even talks in her sleep.

 

[Barnsbury]

The funniest put down i have heard was relayed to me by my dear old dad.

In a pub a guy ordered a creme de menthe and lemonade. The landlord said to him " what for? you know that's a tarts drink!"

To which the guy replied....

"Well, your wife recommended it"

 

[gasbanni]

Read it years ago

Bald Chap sat in a restaurant with some friends having a meal,
guy passes the table rubs his hand on the bald guys head and says

"Just like my my wifes backside"

To which he replied " Yes it is isn't it ! "

 

[wreckedit]

This is a great topic and it has given me some great laughs

I used to race on a bicycle in the area and a lad of about 20yrs from Oxford tried to put me down,aged 50yrs. by taking the mick about where I lived, Didcot. After the race result was published I went up to the lad and asked him " What was it like being beaten by an very old man from Didcot"

 

[longdogs]

I was brousing round a well know store in west London and asked this lady if she knew where the blinds were kept. In a very posh voice she asked ' Do I look like a shop assistant?'. 'Yes', I replied.

 

[longdogs]

One of my previous bosses was well known for his one liners. He telephoned down to the factory and asked the manager to send Mike up to see him. There were two Mikes in the company and the message was given to one of the Mikes. Mike went up and said 'You wanted to see me?'. The boss said 'Sorry, I meant the intelligent one'.

 

[Infidel]

I was in the pub with a few mates and there was a big brassy new barmaid who to be honest was trying to put her stamp on it .
After a few visits my mate was getting a bit ****ed of with her, he lent onthe bar and said
"you remind me of a centre fold"
"ohh" she giggled "which one"
"Pig breeders monthly" he replied.

 

[pred]

Italian Cruise Liners






The current plight of the Costa Concordia reminds one of a comment made by Churchill.


From "The Wit and Wisdom of Winston Churchill" by
James C.Humes:

Late in his life, Sir Winston took a cruise on an Italian ship. A journalist from a New Yorknewspaper approached the former prime minister to ask him why he chose to travel on an Italian line when the Queen Elizabeth under the British flag was available.

Churchill gave the question his consideration and then gravely replied: "There are three things I like about Italian ships. First, their cuisine, which is unsurpassed. Second, their service, which is quite superb. And then — in time of emergency — there is none of this nonsense about women and children first."

 

[ladylola]

Heard this one a day or so ago at work. Two decorators were talking about a third who thought he was really good.
" He showed me this stairs he'd papered and was chuffed with"

"What was it like?"

"I just said it's got more bubbles than an areo"