Bit of brotherly advice anyone?

[twm.bwen]

This sounds totally lame, and maybe I am, but I really would appreciate opinion from you guys (and gals). To begin in that old fashioned self help group style.....

My name is Tom, I'm 28 and I'm a wimp.

I was brought up in the country side away from..well away from most things, so I really am not what you'd call street wise.

I now live in an oxfordshire village/town and even here I feel intimidated by 'youf' even if they may be only 16 year olds.

Despite being 6ft tall, 14.5 stone and (so I'm frequently told) well built and peeople can't understand why I should feel at all scared or threatened.

I've ever been in a real fight. Had my nosed broken a few years back by some squirt. He wacked me, I didn't go down and he ran.
Only punched one person when I was 16 (floored a 16stone adult).
So in theory I agree may be I could handle myself.
But how do you know if you can/ how to handle yourself, how do you know how to fight until its crunch time.
I have a vile temper when pushed too far and am sure that if the anger came out I would end up being quite a nasty guy.
But I always back off/ back down at the slightest confrontation even be it with a teenage squirt.
I suppose it boils down to attitude, same reason Tyson kicked proverbial buttock but Bruno, despite being huge, never quite had it.

I'm worried that when it comes to it; if I am called upon to defend, myself, my girlfriend, my mates, I wont be able to.

I'm not what you'd (well, I'd) call a proud man, but there is some inner felling that we should be able to defend our clan.

Not sure if I'm making my self clear but I'll some it up like this. How do I turn myself mentally hard.

Taunting accepted but personal advice/opindion prefered.
Cheers

 

[Thermo]

i lost count of the number of fights/scuffles i had when i was in the police. I never had one before i joined and i never enjoyed them (nor did i shirk away from them either though!) Most people go through their lives without one and quite right to. The most important thing you must remember is to control yourself and your temper. few situations ever need to resort to violence for the ordinary man in the street and it would seem you have already proved to yourself that you are capable with dealing with them. Its always better to talk and use humour or recognition than to fight. In my last years in the police i had very few fights. I put that down to being a bit older and wiser. I had the ability to talk to people on their level and to diffuse situations very quickly. Its amazing how a quick one liner can take all the venom out of a situation.

I always used to get a surge of adrenaline, which gave a lump in the throat and shakey hands. Its the bodies way of preparing you for fight or flight, which you do will be a mixture of judgement or instinct. the most important thing is to act and feel confident. You are not small and will put many people in two minds anyway. Always be aware of your surroundings and know whats going on around you. A local can walk into his pub and sense an atmosphere immediatley, a stranger wont.

If you feel you are lacking in confidence then why not try a disciplined martial art or self defence. Not to learn how to fight, but to give you confidence in your abilities and yourself, but more importantly it will teach you how to control your temper.

by the way most 16 year olds are all mouth and no trousers!

 

[gcol]

Stand in front of a mirror and repeatedly slap yourself in the face whilst shouting "you want some". If after 5 mins of that you don't feel like a ruffian then I suggest you admit defeat and come out as the raving mincer that you sound.

 

[FredFlintstone]

To be honest mate, you sound like a pefectly level headed, sensible guy, with thought for others. You never really will know if you can defend yourself until the situation ariases, which hopefully it never will.

As Thermo says, join a martial arts group - it will teach you how to defend yourself but will also teach you that confrontation or violence is best avoided (which you obviously already know). It will also teach you though how best to avoid confrontation.

Personally, I'm petrified of those little b4st4ds too - only because where I grew up, if you had a run in with three or four of them you'd have twenty of them and their dads, uncles and brothers on your doorstep. That's why I avoid them - even though I no longer live anywhere near where I grew up.

Chin up, I'd say you're probably more confident and able than you think but let's keep our fingers crossed that you never have cause to find out.

Fred.

 

[twm.bwen]

Stand in front of a mirror and repeatedly slap yourself in the face whilst shouting "you want some". If after 5 mins of that you don't feel like a ruffian then I suggest you admit defeat and come out as the raving mincer that you sound.

 

[rommy]

Hi twm.bwen,you're not a wimp.Anyone would be afraid if confronted by a gang of ferrel teenagers.I think you have to have your wits about you when your out.I think law and order has broken down in this country.I don't take notice of the politians saying crime is down,when ever did they have to walk around the streets?
I have a friend who lives on a council estate in London.The local shops are all but gone because they were always being robbed.He got punched and kicked in the face by a group of teeagers at a bus stop that jumped the que.Now he is a big guy and he says he won't go out unless it's in his car even then he is affraid.
Please don't hit them because the law will most likley be against you.
All I can say is keep your wits about you,run if you can but if you can't and feel that you're in for a beating then hit the biggest one first and hope that it make the others think.Remember these teenagers are cowards.On their own they would not start a fight.
Go to a club and learn some form of matial arts to control your temper and to give you some confidence.As I have said keep you wits about you when out because trouble can come at anytime.
Best regards.

 

[markie]

Your not a wimp just normal, just because you don't like/want to fight everyone that presents a threat to you or friends, does not make you a wimp.

 

[gcol]

You were not meant to find that amusing Tom. That was the first in a series of posts that was supposed to bring out your aggressive side.
Lesson 1 - If someone calls you a mincer, you ram your open hand at his/her throat in an attempt to crush their windpipe. Toughen up beitch.

 

[Softus]

Go to a club and learn some form of martial arts to control your temper and to give you some confidence.

This is good advice. Tai Kwon Do (for example) is an excellent all-round discipline and will teach you self-control, plus the all-important ability to know when to run (most times) and when to stand and defend.

You'd be surprised how easy is to swiftly disable an unarmed attacker, to give you time to get away, and how easy it is to run faster when trained and fit.

Assuming that you're genuine, Tom, you deserve admiration for posting your enquiry on the forum.

 

[rommy]

I think the guy is very brave softus.He got to realise anyone would be affraid in a situation that could lead to a fight.It's a matter of not being ashamed of it.
Anyone who says to me that they would not be affraid if confronted by a gang of teenagers,I would call them a lier.
Arkido is a good martial art.Wrist locks and such.

 

[grrinc]

When presented with a confrontational situation, I often adopt a trance like status that prepares me for the impending fracas. This starts with the ghostly opening chant of Carl Douglas's 'Kung Fu Fighting' ( the 'woah - ho - ho' bit ) circling around me. Then through squinted eyes, I eye up each opponent in a 'The Good The Bad And The Ugly' - stylee. By now I have exuded enough confidence to make even the toughest of assailants wobble. I then face anyone foolhardy enough to continue, adopt my striking pose and cockily beckon them hither; whilst slowly widening my eyes in a 'psycho' manner ( akin to Mel Gibson in the first Lethal Weapon ). A few deftly executed 'round houses' is generally all that is required to dispatch my opponents - of whom afterwards, I always help to their feet and impart them with a few pearls of eastern wisdom. Honestly.

 

[Thermo]

oh one thing i forgot to mention, if you ever do end up in that situation, make sure you hit them once and hard enough so they dont get back up. oh and cheat. none of this queensbury rules rubbish. hit them straight between the legs, its amazing how many blokes dont expect you to punch them there. Always worked for me and funnily enough i never had any trouble form the little sits on the estates again once we had had one run in!

 

[Steve]

Tom, I work in a convenience store, i get confronted by them every day. I usually have to stand and watch them at the sweets. One liners do knock them down easily. I do get nervous though, but I too am a tall guy.

I also have to confront hardcore shoplifters (them who do it for a living like). If I catch them in the act, I just snatch their loot bag and retreat to behind the counter, they dont normally put up a fight or in fact, say anything - GBH is more serious than theft.

I too can have a serious temper on me, but I go somewhere private and kick a door or something lol. Mind, I once put my foot through a plasterboard wall lol. Hung a picture there to hide it from my parents.

Might actually take some of your advice, softus. Tai Kwon Do - sounds ok, might give it a go, and I could do with a hobby!

 

[BoxBasher]

oh and cheat. none of this queensbury rules rubbish. hit them straight between the legs,

Advice given to me by my older brother:
There's no such thing as fighting dirty, its just fighting...

oh one thing i forgot to mention, if you ever do end up in that situation, make sure you hit them once and hard enough so they dont get back up.

A little bit of friendly advice:
If you ever have to resort to physical means and get in "trouble" for defending yourself (as the law abiding guy inevitably does) you never tell the police that you hit them hard... acknowledge that you hit them, say that you thought they were about to hit you (or hit you again) and then politely tell the officer that you don't want to say any more until you have spoken to a solicitor. As long as you are polite, and don't behave like a scumbag, you'll be treated fairly. Start swearing and it will be s5 POA.

The Police caution starts "You do not have to say anything..." so don't, because it ends with "anything you do say may be given in evidence" Wait until you are questioned with legal representation, that way you won't end up saying the wrong thing.

 

[joe-90]

It's not fists that you have to worry about but knives and guns (I live in Nottingham). I don't really have a temper these days but I did confront a whole gang of youths who were kicking a live pigeon down the street about a year ago. I called them every f'ing name I could think of but they didn't put up a fight.