Child's behaviour... (Sorry for long post)

[transam]

Probably all boils down to breast feeding or lack of it

some expert some where can make a link

prisons are full of prisoners who were not breast fed so they could now sue there parents or it could be blamed on McDonals or a fried chicken shop take away

 

[Lower]

I believe he's just pushing boundaries

that’s what boys do.

 

[sxturbo]

Coke?
Chocolate?
100g of milk chocolate contains 45mg of caffeine, about the same as a cup of tea.

I was thinking the other way round, that your lad may be subject to others' outbursts and this may make him lash out.

For what it's worth, we learnt to praise our boys every time they behaved in a positive way: shared things, helped, did what they were asked, etc....

This seemed to help.

He doesn't have coke or any fizzy drinks.

He doesn't go hypo with chocolate.

We do praise his good behaviour. A week or 2 ago he gave some toys to a little boy down the road as he said he was to old for them and this boy being younger would like them totally off his own back. In this instance he got praise, sweets and a couple of stars on his chart

 

[Swwils]

No comment on the situation but as a parent I have found this youtube channel to be really valuable and humbling.

https://youtube.com/user/LiveOnPurposeTV

In particular for this situation:

The kiddo is 4 years old, it needs to be approached in a positive, constructive way to being out the best responce. Keeping in mind the reality a 4 year old has to work with!

 

[ReganAndCarter]

Probably all boils down to breast feeding or lack of it

More like lack of corporal punishment. The little tike has a bit of spirit about him that a sound thrashing will go a long way to taming.

But the kids are now in charge and the adults dance around them with excuses and lefty nonsense about syndomes and attention whatevers.

 

[Justin Passing]

Threads escalating a bit....

I'm not seeing the gp just yet. And I don't think pills are the answer.

Will speak to the school next week... Parent and teacher evening.

As it happens today he got 2 stickers for excellent behaviour today...

Very Jekyll and Hyde

Parents (with their experience of abut 2.4 kids) and teachers, get incredibly opinionated and tend to vary a lot in their views.
If you're interested in finding out if there might be a reason beyond normal naughtiness, why not ask someone whose job it is to advise on the subject?
10 minute phone appointment? They'll probably say you're doing OK, give a word of advice and say call back in X weeks. Maybe not. Are you afraid of what they'll say? No reason to, you don't have to take notice if you don't want to.

If your mainframe or your car or your heating were misbehaving, would you ask random electricians, nurses and database programmers?
That isn't competent advice.
How are you going to feel if he blinds someone with a sharp pencil, or the second tot knocked off their bike cracks their head open and gets brain damage - and the teacher says she told you so and why didn't you do anything?

There's a bit of CYA to it because she raised the stakes, plus you'd know you'd gone a bit further than you thought necessary to do the best by your son..

 

[JohnD]

More like lack of corporal punishment.

Never did Max Mosley any harm, eh?

 

[sxturbo]

Parents (with their experience of abut 2.4 kids) and teachers, get incredibly opinionated and tend to vary a lot in their views.
If you're interested in finding out if there might be a reason beyond normal naughtiness, why not ask someone whose job it is to advise on the subject?
10 minute phone appointment? They'll probably say you're doing OK, give a word of advice and say call back in X weeks. Maybe not. Are you afraid of what they'll say? No reason to, you don't have to take notice if you don't want to.

If your mainframe or your car or your heating were misbehaving, would you ask random electricians, nurses and database programmers?
That isn't competent advice.
How are you going to feel if he blinds someone with a sharp pencil, or the second tot knocked off their bike cracks their head open and gets brain damage - and the teacher says she told you so and why didn't you do anything?

There's a bit of CYA to it because she raised the stakes, plus you'd know you'd gone a bit further than you thought necessary to do the best by your son..

Lol,

Calm down,

We'll wait and see what the behaviour person says, and we have a meeting with the teacher next week.

We'll take one step at a time.

 

[Justin Passing]

FOrgot about the behaviour person - that should do for now.

 

[transam]

Have worked in a good few schools over the years

some of the pupil behaviour / discipline is a total disgrace IMO

they speak to teachers how they like seems to be zero respect for the teachers at times

imo there should be cc tv in all class rooms so some of the parents can see how there children behave

 

[Orchid2021]

Thank you for sharing your story. I have stood in your shoes although it was many moons ago. You sound like fantastic parents and if I was in front of you now I would give you all a big hug; group hug especially for your son.

some schools start children on half days as some children only attend nursery for half a day and this way the transition is easier. To me your son sounds like an intelligent kind boy. I agree and my eyes filled up when you said that he tried to wipe the other child’s pee with said child’s coat. He was trying to save the child’s embarrassment in the best way a kind 4 year old could think of.

Sharing comes with time. A child is a child for a reason; it’s still learning and trying to make sense of the world. Everything else that has been disruptive or hurtful to another child he could have been provoked. Believe me I am speaking from experience a child acting in self defence is the child who is reprimanded. Teacher’s reward bullies and reprimand good children like yours and mine.

Always ask your child for their version of events . They need to be listened to and believed. Tell him you love him and things will get better. I believed my son; today he is a lawyer and there is a wonderful future waiting for your son too. Lots of love

 

[shagster]

Pushing off bikes is just inability to share and is very common, even if it's not always manifested in this way, and most of the other things could be considered pretty normal. Punching another child (in particular a girl) in the stomach and from nothing is different, and quite rare in schools. I've told my son that you don't punch girls in the stomach or they might not be able to have children, and I've told my daughter you don't punch boys in the balls for the same reason unless you've got no other option, and certainly not when you're squabbling over some sweets or something stupid. It seems to have worked so far. Yeah sure, it may be stretching the truth but people tell their kids about Father Christmas so why not at that age?

Most of the above can be solved with autism techniques, I'd recommend a social story or two, see:
https://www.autismparentingmagazine.com/social-stories-for-autistic-children/

You shouldn't get too hung up about the definition of autism or ASD (autistic spectrum disorders) for the more politically correct term. Whether you've had a test or not we are all on the autism spectrum and any unreasonable behaviour can be treated with the same techniques, the only difference is that ASD kids take longer and need more visual clues (IMHO).

You should be able to get support from the school in terms of social stories. Discuss with the teacher if your child can take some time in the day to go through this perhaps with other children. You can do a lot as a parent to reinforce this, all you have to do is set aside time with your child. Any qualified teacher should know about this stuff, not just the SEN (Special Educational Needs) specialists.

I also recommend "My Hidden Chimp" https://www.amazon.co.uk/My-Hidden-Chimp-author-Paradox/dp/1787413713

hope this helps!

 

[big-all]

yes we also need to remember its not all black and white
teachers will react on what they think based on what they see what they are told
children will react on what they think based on what they see what they are told

a childs interpretation off a situation and how they react are exactly the same as a teacher it is no more than a choice based on what you think the only difference is children have a far smaller pool off information to react on and teachers have far far more rules and regs along with a bigger pool off interaction with others to draw on
but they can still draw the wrong or a bit wrong conclusion to a situation as they dont have enough will or time to fully research every problem so will pick and chose where there time is spent the most

 

[shagster]

I've come to the conclusion it's ridiculous to think you're going to get to the bottom of anything that happens at the school. Teacher's could be wrong. Your kids could be wrong. I've had four different explanations of what happened one day at school: One thing written on the pink 'accident' note, another story from the teacher's assistant, another story from the teacher, and a fourth story from that same TA on a different day. Also, you tend to remember when your child gets hurt at school, you remember every detail, but a few days later it's nothing for them, and they don't always have the same story. So you start to wonder what's real.

 

[sxturbo]

Bit of an update...

First off thanks for those that replied really appreciate it and it has helped immensely.

Tuesday when I picked him up he knew I was very disappointed with him.

We had a chat and I asked how he would feel if I punched him in the stomach or if I pushed a table into him.. he obviously said he wouldn't, so I then asked him why and he said because it will Hurt.

I was a little naughty and threatened if he done it again I would do the same to him what he does to hurt someone else. Obviously I have no intention of doing this.amd was said in frustration.

So with that we said no more about it, went to bed on a happy note and didn't mention it again the next day.

Wednesday Thursday and today he earned 4 good behaviour stickers everyday.

Today he got what the school term as the silver certificate which one child each week gets if they've been outstanding for the week.

He was proud as punch with this, was chatting all the way home about it and how was playing tractors with the push bike with other kids and were taking it in turns.

So it seems we might have turned a corner, had a quick chat with the behaviour specialist as she also runs the breakfast club, she didn't go into detail but said she doesn't think there is anything to worry about and to give it a bit more time.