So, as everything is possible, despite the hundreds of YouTube videos on oil change (or is this racist and I should say "change of oil"?), here is what needs to be done for a successful oil and filter change.
Yes, unless you change your oil every 3000 miles/2 months, you will need to spend the great sum of £10 for a new filter.
Engine must be at running temperature when doing oil change.
My guide:
1. Find out if your sump plug is left, right or centre of pan.
2. Jack your car from opposite side of sump plug. If centre, drive your car with 2 wheels on the pavement and jack the other side until levelled. Use a stand or second jack for safety.
3. Go on the floor and remove the undertray. Some scrap cars don't have it, so you can go to point 5.
4. Save those undertray bolts and fixings, all of them. If some are missing, buy them, they cost pennies.
5. Place a large thick rug under the sump and position a bucket/container.
6. Unscrew the plug using the correct tool and save the plug. If an hexagonal bolt, your tool of choice will be a socket wrench.
NOTE: TURN THE BOLT ANTI CLOCKWISE TO UNDO.
IF YOU TURN IT CLOCKWISE YOU WILL STRIP THE THREAD.
NOTE 2: IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT WAY YOU TURN A BOLT TO UNDO IT, YOU MUST SERIOUSLY CONSIDER TAKING THE CAR TO A MECHANIC OR AT LEAST SOMEONE WHO KNOWS BASIC ENGINEERING.
NOTE 3: IF YOU ARE "HALF ASLEEP" TO THE POINT OF NOT KNOWING HOW TO UNDO A BOLT, LEAVE IT AND GO TO BED
Apologies for all the capital notes at point 6 but they're needed given the thread.
7. Once you've undone the sump plug by a couple of turn, remove the socket and start undoing it by hand.
NOTE: WEAR SUITABLE GLOVES
8. Drain all the oil in the bucket.
9. After a minute or so, most of the oil should be in the bucket (unless you stripped the thread. Sorry I couldn't resist
) open the oil filling cap at the top of the engine and save it for later.
10. Time to remove the filter. Many cars have metal filters screwed onto the engine. A chain tool is useful to remove it. Other filters are in a casing that need unscrewing.
Again, see notes at point 6 before proceeding. Look on YouTube how to remove your particular filter, or take a photo and post it on here for advice, otherwise consult the common sense manual.
Unscrew the filter or filter casing little by little and you'll see more oil pouring out from the sump into the bucket.
Once the oil flow stops or just drips, unscrew the filter completely.
NOTE: THE FILTER MIGHT STILL BE FULL OF OIL, ESPECIALLY IF UPSIDE DOWN. PLACE RUGS AND BE CAREFUL NOT TO SPREAD OIL EVERYWHERE.
11. Mop up a little here and there where you removed the filter
12. Take a new filter and install the supplied rubber gasket(s). Instructions on how to do this in the common sense manual, YouTube or copy from old filter.
13. Wet the gasket(s) with some oil
14. Install the new filter BY HAND!!! NOTES AT POINT 6 STILL APPLY.
If you have a metal filter, do it hand tight. If in a casing, do it hand tight or if you're a professional use a torque wrench and manufacturer settings available online.
NOTE: IF THE FILTER CAN BE FILLED WITH OIL BEFORE INSTALLATION, DO IT.
Instructions on how to do this are easily available in the mentioned common sense manual.
15. Remove old washer from sump plug and replace with new one. Lots of discussions about this, but rule of thumb is this: whatever sump plug you have, you need a new seal, whether it's a new washer or a new complete plug. Yes, sorry: you will need to throw away another 50 pence.
16. Clean the sump area with a rug and refit the sump plug BY HAND.
NOTES AT POINT 6 STILL APPLY UNLESS YOU WERE TELETRANSPORTED ON ANOTHER PLANET BETWEEN TAKING THE SUMP PLUG OUT AND NOW. IN THAT CASE THE EARTH RULE OF PHYSICS AND ENGINEERING WILL NOT APPLY AND YOU SHOULD STOP USING THIS GUIDE.
17. Tighten the sump plug to the correct torque if you have a torque wrench, otherwise tight but not too tight is what you need.
18. Remove the bucket and rug from under the car and lower the jack until levelled.
19. Fill engine with fresh oil. When doing this on a car i'm not familiar with, i pour the old engine oil in a 5 litre container and see how much it is roughly. If more than 5 litres, use 2 containers: this advice comes directly from the common sense manual under the paragraph "No shyt Sherlock" (I think is page 46). So, if you've taken out 4 litres, pour almost 4 litres and check dipstick level. NOTE: YOU MUST NOT GO OVER THE MAX LINE, NEVER.
Take the level over midway between min and max.
20. Close filling cap and dipstick and start the engine. Let it idle for 1 minute and turn off.
21. Check dipstick level again and add oil if necessary. Be very careful here: do it little by little, let the oil go down and keep checking the dipstick. Stop when just over half way between min and max and close cap and dipstick.
22. Start engine again and let idle for another minute, then turn off.
23. Check oil level which should be ok now. If needed add more little by little and follow steps 21 and 22 until you get a steady result.
24. Clean the oil near sump plug and oil filter again and check for leaks with engine running. If necessary, give them a little 1/8 turn.
25. Turn engine off, jack car up again and refit undertray with ALL BOLTS AND FIXINGS
26. Remove jack and move car on levelled ground. Check oil level again and take it near max, but not on or over max. Just below is perfect. Follow point 21 and 22.
27. Check oil level after the next drive to make sure is ok.
Please correct me if i made a mistake or missed something.
Hopefully this will help someone.
I take no responsibility if you follow this guide and destroy your car or your bones.
I strongly recommend the "Common sense manual" available in the best libraries around the world but not on Amazon.