The immersion heater installation was an utter failure. I could not get the port cover off; I shocked it, banged it, swore at it, heated it, wrenched it, nothing.
So I turned my attention to the gravity primary. I drained it down and ran mains pressure through the system from the header. That took care of the hot supply. Then I removed the pipe from the coil inlet (managed to take a photo, see attached), and blasted mains down there as well. Then I filled the system back up, pausing halfway through to add some Sentinel X400.
Less than 6 hours later (with the boiler running continuously), the lower pipe started to get warm. Now it is working better than it ever has, and I am finally getting some peace.
Thank you all for your guidance and advice, I found it invaluable. Let's hope it holds out for the next year or so!
Cheers, Matt.