Relationship has hit the buffers

[diy_fun_uk]

Not for me, I've put my heart and soul into this house over the past forty years, getting it just the way I want it, it just seems rude not to share it.

Fair enough, however it sometimes comes across that you're seeking a partner more for the practical side of life as opposed to the lovey dovey stuff. That's of course fine, as long as the prospective partners are on the same page. However if you look at it from their pov, x months into a relationship with you they're maybe thinking 'wait a sec, it's a live-in maid this guy is looking for ...'

 

[Harry Bloomfield]

Fair enough, however it sometimes comes across that you're seeking a partner more for the practical side of life as opposed to the lovey dovey stuff. That's of course fine, as long as the prospective partners are on the same page.

Let's call it 50/50. It has to work on both plains.

However if you look at it from their pov, x months into a relationship with you they're maybe thinking 'wait a sec, it's a live-in maid this guy is looking for ...'

Nope, I do all the 'maiding' etc. at the moment, and I am more than capable of continuing. I think my last live in relationship fell apart, partially because she over egged the maiding, and housekeeping. If she was cleaning, cooking or etc. she would push me out of the room instead of enlisting my very capable help. Whenever I did anything, she was always critical of the result, even if it were better than she would achieve, so towards the end - I learned it was simpler just to not get involved and leave her to it. I'm not even convinced she was even looking for a relationship, perhaps just somewhere cheaper to live than where she was.

 

[Koolpc]

Let's call it 50/50. It has to work on both plains.



Nope, I do all the 'maiding' etc. at the moment, and I am more than capable of continuing. I think my last live in relationship fell apart, partially because she over egged the maiding, and housekeeping. If she was cleaning, cooking or etc. she would push me out of the room instead of enlisting my very capable help. Whenever I did anything, she was always critical of the result, even if it were better than she would achieve, so towards the end - I learned it was simpler just to not get involved and leave her to it. I'm not even convinced she was even looking for a relationship, perhaps just somewhere cheaper to live than where she was.

I'd move in with u for a cheap place to live! Lol

 

[Harry Bloomfield]

I'd move in with u for a cheap place to live! Lol

I'll keep that in mind

 

[Justin Passing]

Fair enough, however it sometimes comes across that you're seeking a partner more for the practical side of life as opposed to the lovey dovey stuff. That's of course fine, as long as the prospective partners are on the same page. However if you look at it from their pov, x months into a relationship with you they're maybe thinking 'wait a sec, it's a live-in maid this guy is looking for ...'

I've never thought Harry was after a maid.
Having someone to share pains pleasures and routines of life with, is a lot.

 

[motorbiking]

Some people want more, I did. No matter how long you have been together, life is too short to spend it with the wrong person, just because you are invested in the relationship or fear the financial consequences of divorce. The same also applies to selling up and moving in. It's not just about the practical side of living together. There has to be more.

 

[Harry Bloomfield]

Some people want more, I did. No matter how long you have been together, life is too short to spend it with the wrong person, just because you are invested in the relationship or fear the financial consequences of divorce. The same also applies to selling up and moving in. It's not just about the practical side of living together. There has to be more.

It's a matter of both being willing and able to make little compromises, but the practical and financial sides have to work somehow.

 

[diy_fun_uk]

It's a matter of both being willing and able to make little compromises, but the practical and financial sides have to work somehow.

Can you not just try and find someone relatively local, with their own property (bought and paid for), and enjoy each others company. Her sometimes at yours, you sometimes at hers?

 

[Harry Bloomfield]

Can you not just try and find someone relatively local, with their own property (bought and paid for), and enjoy each others company. Her sometimes at yours, you sometimes at hers?

That would be a very long shot indeed.

 

[HERTS P&D]

This thread reminds of the 'turkey gate' thread!



Andy

 

[Mottie]

No matter how long you have been together, life is too short to spend it with the wrong person, just because you are invested in the relationship or fear the financial consequences of divorce.

So, a bit like B..B…Br…Nope, mustn’t mention it.

 

[Vinty]

I always thought love came unconditional, maybe that's just me.

You are just an old fashioned romantic.

 

[Vinty]

I thought I would just let you all know, that yesterday my relationship with the Filipina widow, has finally hit the buffers after 10 months, due to differences between us - which we are unable to resolve.

She lives alone, working in a low paid job, really struggling valiantly to pay her bills and mortgage. Her husband gambled away half the value of the house, before he died, leaving her in a total financial mess, which she can never manage to repay in her working life. If the house is ever sold, much of the amount realised would immediately go to creditors in Charges against the property.

I suggested the easy way out for her, was to simply move here, sell up, pay the debts off and live happily ever after. Problem is, she will not let go of the house with all of its problems and make a fresh start. She would then end up with my home when I'm gone. She is really struggling to an incredible extent at the moment, just to survive, but she wants to come and live with me, but also keep her own house and all the debt surrounding it. There have been two attempts to repossess. Obviously, I don't want to spend the rest of my life, watching her struggle financially here.

Discussion has bounced from selling, to here renting her house out, but she has absolutely no funds at all, to finance her doing that, nor any funds to cover for even the slightest hiccup should anything at all go wrong. At best, the rental would cover her monthly mortgage, still leaving her with lots of interest to pay on other loans, plus the property is too far from here for her to easily manage.

Yesterday, I put it to her that she had to sell up, pay the debts, and make the move - or we would be best saying bye, bye. She refused, so we have had to part, her very, very upset.

Why didn't you offer to marry her Harry.
If she gives up her house and moves in with you, what security would she have in the event that you both discover you aren't really compatible with each other.

 

[motorbiking]

Marriage doesn't offer protection in the first few years. The house would be seen as a pre-marital asset, particularly if the other person came in debt ridden. Its only after a reasonable period that this changes and the assets start to get mingled. Once a marriage is over around 10 years you haven't got much chance of ring fencing.

Marriage is the last thing two people who aren't sure about their relationship should be considering. It takes months and years to unpick if it goes wrong.

 

[Harry Bloomfield]

Why didn't you offer to marry her Harry.
If she gives up her house and moves in with you, what security would she have in the event that you both discover you aren't really compatible with each other.

That is on the cards, but only once her debt is cleared. It's the final incentive, held back to ensure she clears the debt.