What's The Oldest Joke You Can Remember?

Whitespirit66

Whitespirit66

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My memory only goes back as far as the 70s. I have a few jokes that only people who were alive then would see as funny, sick, or both.

The Bobby Sands cookbook is the smallest book in the world!

Q What's the fastest thing on two legs?
A An Ethiopian with a luncheon voucher

Q What's the smallest pub in the world?
A The Thalidomide Arms

Joey Deacon won the World Disco Dancing Championships. He only went up to the bar to get a packet of crisps!

Does anyone have any of a similar age, or even older. They probably need to be topically linked to something from the era that they come from.
 
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As a lad of about seven I remember getting a clip around the ear for a joke I told my mum....(I did not understand it at the time)

Why are womens legs like Blackpool tower?


Because there are amusements at the top.
 
The oldest?

Q. Why is a threepenny bit shaped the way it is?

A .So you can get it out of a Jew's hand with a spanner.


My Dad's favourite:

Q. Did you hear about the constipated mathematician?

A. He worked it out with a pencil.
 
About 1958...

Two peanuts were walking down the street and one was assaulted (a-salted if you don't geddit!)

Best joke ever from a Christmas cracker:

Q. What did the snail say riding on the tortoise'e back?
A. Wheeeeee....!
 
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this is a Victorian music-hall joke

I say I say I say... What's the difference between Noah's Ark and Joan of Arc?

Joan of Arc was Maid of Orleans and Noah's Ark was made of wood


boom boom!
 
Q: Whats' the fastest thing on two legs?
A: A chicken running through an Ethiopean village

Q: What's the second fastest thing on two legs?
A: An Ethiopean running after it.
 
Escaped Prisoner: "I'm free!, I'm free!"
Little Boy: "So what? I'm four!"

Q: Where do you find a tortoise with no legs?
A: Where you left it!

And they say the old ones are the best! :rolleyes:
 
Not so much a joke but I remember this in the junior school. (Please don’t send me hate mail)

Wouldn’t it wouldn’t it wouldn’t it be funny if a woman had a wooden tit wouldn’t it be funny.

Haven’t recalled that one for about forty years; I’ll give it another forty, or more... :oops:
 
Walked into a bar the other day and I went ARRGHHH




it was an iron bar
 
"occhh Dr Finlay! Dr Finlay! it's gruesome"
"Aye Janet, mind you touch it again and it'll gruesome more"

Two nuns sharing a bath one says "where's the soap" the other replies "yes it does doesn't it "
 
Two cavemen talking to each other,,, One says " Ugg, I've solved all of our problems."
" How's that?" asks Ogg.
"I've invented ,,,,,,, MONEY"
 
Not old but topical.

I'm gonna vote for the Iclandic Volcano Party (IVP)

Why?

They have done more for immigration in the last 5 days than the Labour Gov. has done in the last 10 years.
 
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