Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Heaven, God went missing for six days. Eventually, Archangel Michael found him on the seventh day, resting. He enquired of God, "Where have you been?"
God pointed downwards through the clouds. "Look, Michael, look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth, and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" enquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth.
"For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, whilst South America is going to be poor.
"The Middle East over there will be a hot spot and Russia will be cold.
"Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people."
God continued, pointing to the different countries, "This one will be extremely hot and arid whilst this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of land and asked, "What's that?"
"Ah," said God, "that's England, the most glorious place on Earth. There will be beautiful people, dozens of Premiership football teams and very many impressive cities; it will be the home of the world's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, inventors, explorers and politicians. The people of England are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world spreading their high moral values. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high achieving and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied very wisely, "Wait until you see the bunch of tossers I'm putting down next to them in France!"
God pointed downwards through the clouds. "Look, Michael, look what I've made."
Archangel Michael looked puzzled and said, "What is it?"
It's a planet," replied God, "and I've put LIFE on it. I'm going to call it Earth, and it's going to be a great place of balance."
"Balance?" enquired Michael, still confused.
God explained, pointing down to different parts of the Earth.
"For example, North America will be a place of great opportunity and wealth, whilst South America is going to be poor.
"The Middle East over there will be a hot spot and Russia will be cold.
"Over there I've placed a continent of white people and over there is a continent of black people."
God continued, pointing to the different countries, "This one will be extremely hot and arid whilst this one will be very cold and covered in ice."
The archangel, impressed by God's work, then pointed to another area of land and asked, "What's that?"
"Ah," said God, "that's England, the most glorious place on Earth. There will be beautiful people, dozens of Premiership football teams and very many impressive cities; it will be the home of the world's finest artists, musicians, writers, thinkers, inventors, explorers and politicians. The people of England are going to be modest, intelligent and humorous and they're going to be found travelling the world spreading their high moral values. They'll be extremely sociable, hard-working and high achieving and they will be known throughout the world as speakers of truth."
Michael gasped in wonder and admiration, but then proclaimed, "What about balance, God? You said there will be BALANCE!"
God replied very wisely, "Wait until you see the bunch of tossers I'm putting down next to them in France!"
