E
EddieM
thank you all, time for bed, the panic attacks will start around 3:00 am as usual. 
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I am very sorry about what you are going through. What Box said is good advice.
Also, what I would do is to make a date on neutral territory where you can all (Mum, Dad & the kids) meet informally.
Prior to this date, you and your wife must agree to be civil to each other and open & honest with your offspring. tHe way you explain things depends upon how old your kids are, but you should explain that:
Mummy and Daddy can't live together any more. Having said that, the problems you are having are with each other, not with the kids.
You are still very much their Daddy, just as your wife is still their Mummy and it will always be this way.
Even though feelings have changed with each other, you both still love your children.
The reason you can't live together any more is nothing to do with them (the number of kids who think that their parents' divorce is their fault is unbelieveable).
Whatever happens in the future, your children are still themselves, and very special.
EDIT: I notice you say that all you want is your family. Of course you do. Try and make an agreement that you can visit as often as you can and maybe do stuff like bath and bedtime (if young). It will be to everyone's benefit.
On another tack, do you have to leave the property at all? If you could make some arrangement, at least for the short term, that would be far better.
And it would help the children no end to see that their parents can work towards an outcome that is better for them.
Also, what I would do is to make a date on neutral territory where you can all (Mum, Dad & the kids) meet informally.
Prior to this date, you and your wife must agree to be civil to each other and open & honest with your offspring. tHe way you explain things depends upon how old your kids are, but you should explain that:
Mummy and Daddy can't live together any more. Having said that, the problems you are having are with each other, not with the kids.
You are still very much their Daddy, just as your wife is still their Mummy and it will always be this way.
Even though feelings have changed with each other, you both still love your children.
The reason you can't live together any more is nothing to do with them (the number of kids who think that their parents' divorce is their fault is unbelieveable).
Whatever happens in the future, your children are still themselves, and very special.
EDIT: I notice you say that all you want is your family. Of course you do. Try and make an agreement that you can visit as often as you can and maybe do stuff like bath and bedtime (if young). It will be to everyone's benefit.
On another tack, do you have to leave the property at all? If you could make some arrangement, at least for the short term, that would be far better.
And it would help the children no end to see that their parents can work towards an outcome that is better for them.
Eddie the nights will get easier eventually. At the moment you cant see a light at the end of the tunnel but time will heal your broken heart. And you can still be the best dad to your kids. Heart felt symphonies with you at this really hard part of your life you are going through.
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D
dextrous
They say that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Personally I think that absence makes the heart forget - in this case it will forget the horror and turmoil and leave what's pure alone. Without the stresses and antagonism, it may well enable you to become a better father than you would have been if you had stayed.
I genuinely wish you all the best Eddie....
The only thing I'd like to say (other than i'm gutted for you mate) is..........
You can seek advice from a thousand people but none of it will change the hurt that you feel.
Some of us do go through the heart breaking, indescribable feelings of being seperated from our children. Try not to fight and bicker with the wife......a woman scorned is a complete b*stard, I haven't seen my son for 9 months and every single day it kills me.
But it wont nessesarily be like that for you and thousands of others.
The simple answer is............There is NO advice that will make you feel better. You HAVE to stand tall, and go through it. You WILL get there.
Take care geez.
The only thing I'd like to say (other than i'm gutted for you mate) is..........
You can seek advice from a thousand people but none of it will change the hurt that you feel.
Some of us do go through the heart breaking, indescribable feelings of being seperated from our children. Try not to fight and bicker with the wife......a woman scorned is a complete b*stard, I haven't seen my son for 9 months and every single day it kills me.
But it wont nessesarily be like that for you and thousands of others.
The simple answer is............There is NO advice that will make you feel better. You HAVE to stand tall, and go through it. You WILL get there.
Take care geez.
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I'm basically leaving with my clothes ( and my tools :weak smile
That was me 15 years ago. I gave her the house, bought her a car and left.
I saw my kids regularly including EVERY other weekend for over 10 years. The youngest is at Uni now.
I get on fine with my ex now.
When she met someone else she gave me my half of the house back and I bought out her half.
You'll get by mate. You'll find that in many ways you get a better and closer relationship with your kids.
It's a tough time though, very tough.
Ditto to all previous posts.
I have done this twice now
2 of mine 19 and 22 now live with me from 1st splicing!
2nd was harder strangely and no kids with her but 2 of her own, that had its unique times I'll tell yer.
Eventually, when all this subsides a little, ( never completly goes away) this WILL boil down to money - believe me. This may bring the wonderful CSA or WTF they are called now- so be careful what you offer. That includes the divorce settlement - you may regret making too reasonable an offer and skint yourself. They ARE mercenary eventually - no matter what you 'thought' you had together.
The only time I will get married again is if I get pregnant with twins
When you feel right - sooner rather than later - go out with a mate or a few and ' av a look round'. Your lives do and will continue so think about no. 1 for a change. The kids will be fine with whichever parent they are with- you know that.
Got a GF now and she lives 120 miles away now but its ok.
Amazing what a freah piece of frippet does for the body and soul!!
A vague reason for the split will help with advice givvin I reckon.
Keep yer chin up Eddie.
Hth
This is, more for when the pain eases a little, and that is inevitable
I have done this twice now
2 of mine 19 and 22 now live with me from 1st splicing!
2nd was harder strangely and no kids with her but 2 of her own, that had its unique times I'll tell yer.
Eventually, when all this subsides a little, ( never completly goes away) this WILL boil down to money - believe me. This may bring the wonderful CSA or WTF they are called now- so be careful what you offer. That includes the divorce settlement - you may regret making too reasonable an offer and skint yourself. They ARE mercenary eventually - no matter what you 'thought' you had together.
The only time I will get married again is if I get pregnant with twins
When you feel right - sooner rather than later - go out with a mate or a few and ' av a look round'. Your lives do and will continue so think about no. 1 for a change. The kids will be fine with whichever parent they are with- you know that.
Got a GF now and she lives 120 miles away now but its ok.
Amazing what a freah piece of frippet does for the body and soul!!
A vague reason for the split will help with advice givvin I reckon.
Keep yer chin up Eddie.
Hth
This is, more for when the pain eases a little, and that is inevitable
E
EddieM
Sadly my wife is neither reasonable or civil. She has instructed her solicitors who apparently I pay for for an occupancy order on the house that I solely own and pay for, I feel like I'm being raped
Sorry to hear of your suffering Eddie. I haven't been through it myself but had to walk out on my son when he was one due to his mum and me arguing all the time and thought better me leaving than him growing up hearing shouting everyday.
He is 12 now, him and me have a great relationship, I try to do best by him, he knows how much I love him and he tells me on phone how much he loves me which is great from a 12 year old boy (I think) I still speak to his mum but only about him
Please don't think you have failed.
If you ever need to chat just give me a shout
He is 12 now, him and me have a great relationship, I try to do best by him, he knows how much I love him and he tells me on phone how much he loves me which is great from a 12 year old boy (I think) I still speak to his mum but only about him
Please don't think you have failed.
If you ever need to chat just give me a shout
Get your own solicitor fast,you need to minimise collateral damage quickly.
They can be very devious so start thinking ahead and making some financial decisions Eddie.
You should anticipate their thinking and moves, try staying one step ahead- it will reduce the painful suprises and there will be some.
Yep if you need a chat too give us a shout ( edited)
They can be very devious so start thinking ahead and making some financial decisions Eddie.
You should anticipate their thinking and moves, try staying one step ahead- it will reduce the painful suprises and there will be some.
Yep if you need a chat too give us a shout ( edited)
Honest it will get easier mate. See above post when I left and we continued to argue, I didn't see my son for 6 months, she told me I wasn't father etc etc etc. I kept a diary of all that happened (not saying I was innocent by any means) and if he ever wants to read it when a man he can.
Good luck mate and as I say just give me a shout if you need to cry,chat,scream,laugh.........
She also pays for yours..Its all about joint assetts, also if you have ££ in your own account, dont think you can move / hide it.
But
You can take out ££ for living, so if you have cash, take it out in reasonable amounts, ensure you can justify it, (remember she can do the same).
there are worse things that can happen
wearing your heart on your sleeve isnt allways the best you can do
wearing your heart on your sleeve isnt allways the best you can do
He's right you know, when they know you're upset - they change towards you. Its almost like pity and that feeling aint good.
We'll get you thru it but you av to look strong infront of kids and deffo her.
We'll get you thru it but you av to look strong infront of kids and deffo her.
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