If you were God...

[Big Tone]

Question for Evolutionists:
what do you get if a hen has a sex with an earth worm?

Biologically impossible, and Earthworms are asexual, but my best guess is an amorphous cretin from London posting on forums called Mike?

Sorry, the devil made me post that one...

Okay, I'll bite in the hope that you have a GSOH. What do you get etc....?

 

[breadnbutter]

Bloody Hell Norcon.

Remind me not to invite you round for a fun dinner!

He's been thanked 181 times chapeau. That's more than you, me and other sane posters put together.

Proof, if it were needed, that it doesn't pay to talk sense.

So then, of course the moon is made of cheese. Discus...

if the moon was made of cheese , the french would of landed there before the americans

 

[Big Tone]

Bloody Hell Norcon.

Remind me not to invite you round for a fun dinner!

He's been thanked 181 times chapeau. That's more than you, me and other sane posters put together.

Proof, if it were needed, that it doesn't pay to talk sense.

So then, of course the moon is made of cheese. Discus...

if the moon was made of cheese , the french would of landed there before the americans

Start a sentence with a Capital letter. France and America, not france and america. Also, "the French would HAVE landed there", not "of" landed there.

To be clear, I couldn't give a toss about engrish speling or grammer to some ex tent. But when someone purr ports to now fings it helps if yew now how to put it a cross.

In other words, if I can understand the meaning and someone makes sense that's fine by me. But when I get neither....

 

[pred]

Question for Evolutionists:
what do you get if a hen has a sex with an earth worm?

Sorry Mike I'm not very good at guessing games, can you give me a clue, what do we get if we cross a hen with a worm??

 

[Mikefromlondon]

Answer that the evolutionists couldn't work out:

Chicken noodles

 

[Mikefromlondon]

After receiving 20,312 complaints, I removed comments as I didn't realise there is a much much bigger following amongst God loving people on here.

 

[chapeau]

Put a fiver in the collection tray and you'll be good for another week.

 

[pred]

http://www.newsbiscuit.com/2013/03/...mergency-services-took-three-days-to-respond/

 

[pred]

Put a fiver in the collection tray and you'll be good for another week.

If I put a fiver in the collection tray, I want to be god for another week...

 

[Mikefromlondon]

Why I believe God does exists and that Jesus is his son, it is no coincident:


This is just one of my personal experience that convinced me even more !

A few years ago, I got interested in star gazing, so I ordered my brand new Meade XT125 UHT telescope. When it arrived I couldn't wait to start seeing through it.

But the weather was appalling! overcast with clouds, so not a single star was in view, It was very disappointing that the sky was full of grey clouds and I could tell they would not clear even if I wait into the early hours of the morning.

So I went to sleep and another day came, comes evening and the sky is again full of clouds, no sign of them abating, another very disappointing day and so I went to bed without still able to use my brand new telescope!

Comes the third day and it is still like the other two days, except there were small clear patches in between, so I quickly rigged up my scope, hoping to catch one or two stars through those small clear patches.

It was no fun trying to watch a star or moon through small clear sections as within a few seconds the shifting clouds would soon cover that star.

I came in to have a cup of tea, leaving my scope out tracking the position where the star was, as I was supping my tea, I prayed in my heart "Please Lord Jesus, clear those clouds for me as I really can't wait to start seeing other things in the sky"

I finished my tea, went out and to my amazement, the entire western hemisphere was completely clear of any patches of clouds, the eastern hemisphere was still fully covered with clouds, it was as if there was a divide between Western and Eastern hemisphere with a straight line cut through the middle such that the western side was totally clear and the eastern hemisphere was totally clouded!

Amazingly, from my garden, I could only have viewed the western hemisphere due to a large tree hanging over from the East, so if the eastern hemisphere was clear then it would have been not much good to me for star gazing due to the tree.

I thanked Jesus for that in my heart, and started to star gaze, my new Go to telescope was perfect, I was so thrilled and then for a good 30 to 45 minutes I saw star upon stars, and tried and focused on some galaxies, which i must admit i couldn't see through the pollution of light, but i saw some star clusters and so on, i was well pleased and now almost like tired out!

So I was now fully satisfied, thrilled that I was able to use my new telescope, and was pleased somewhat, what anyone would expect from a 6" telescope, my mate has an 8" one so the results from mine were only slightly less brighter. Overall i was pleased.

So after this 30-45 minute session, being content with that night's viewing, the sky remained totally clear in the western hemisphere, I decided to leave my telescope outside still tracking the stars, and to go in and get warmed, as it was cold outside, and have another cup of tea! (I love my tea)

Then after finishing my tea, I went out to fetch my scope back in, and also to see if it was still tracking a star I left it pointing to, but now i noticed that the whole sky was once again fully covered in clouds! there was no gaps anywhere!

It was like someone had opened a roof over a stadium, for that time and then drawn it back again!

I was once again convinced that there is something out there when you really pray through your heart, the prayers get answered!

I was not even born into Christianity!

there had been lots of other cases in my life, where when i have pleaded with Lord Jesus, my prayers had been answered, to my total surprise!

BTW, the skies remained cloudy for much of that week!

When i told my aunt about my experience, she said that i should not have asked Lord Jesus to interfere with nature's plans, as doing so may have caused a lot of inconvenience to other creatures and things. may be but i was over the moon!

I am still into star gazing and have since acquired a Meade LX200 a 14" go to telescope along with a 10" Dobsonian.

 

[Harbourwoodwork]

God's obviously got shares in telescope factories

 

[pred]

Please Lord Jesus let me have the six winning numbers for the lottery, your most devoted follower, waiting in anticipation.


So! Lets wait and see what happens..


I think I shall not hold my breath..

 

[Mikefromlondon]

Oh well I expected such remarks any way, don't even ask God to do things that may have unknown outcome into the future, ask him for his help for something that is bothering you now, for now, not for lotto numbers to be decided by a machine! But at the same time you need to have faith in him.

Besides I do not expect him to answer my every prayer, there are 6,999,999,998 other people that are just as important and seek his help! (Have you noted that it is not 7 Billion exact, as I took you and myself out of it, as I am already convinced, and you have no faith!)

So that would be completely foolish and wrong to expect God to give you or me any winning lottery results! One should only ever ask for something that could be life saving! And if you were to test this theory, it will not work, simple as that, because that indicates one as being arrogant and having no faith.

So Pred, he is not going to come down on your door step and say Hello Pred, here's your 6 winning lotto numbers that you were praying for this Saturday's Lotto! and then say good luck and disappears into thin air! Unless you live in a world of scientific fantasy, oh its called science fiction!



however, I have had far too many similar experiences, where I am convinced something saved me from a grave situation, like a narrow escape from a serious car accident, or like for example when i am looking for something i don't know where I have placed, and I looked and looked and spend hours and days and still not found it, going over and over looking for it, and after a quiet prayer in my heart with eyes closed, I would find the thing I was looking for within record 2 minutes! I did this a couple of times and each time it worked for me, in that record breaking 2 minutes!

And the strange thing is I found it where I had already looked twice before!

it with experiences like this that you get this feeling that is there someone really out there, and it is hard to believe that my prayers were actually answered! it is hard to believe even for me. But I shall continue to have faith in lord Jesus! God bless him.

But my most amazing experience was that one with the clouds being wiped clean and I did star gazing until I was tired sick of it! and then within minutes the clouds were back again throughout! to me that is not a coincident or just one of those things! indeed it was a miracle.

However, good to have cloudy Easter weekend, as I wasn't going out! so i hope you guys had a good one!

 

[pred]

Oh well I expected such remarks any way, but first you need to have faith in God, secondly you need to have tell tale signes of reading his strange ways of communicating, he is not going to come down on your door step and say Hello Pred, here's your 6 winning lotto numbers for this Saturady! and say good luck and disappears into thin air! Unless you live in a world of scientific fantasy, oh its called science fiction!



Faith!! My Old Dear was a Jehovas Witless, I think I know what faith is!!





however, I have had far too many similar experiences, where I am convinced something saved me from a grave situation, like a narrow escape from a serious car accident, or like for example when i am looking for something i don't know where I have placed, and I looked and looked and spend hours and days and still not found it, going over and over looking for it, and after a quiet prayer in my heart with eyes closed, I would find the thing I was looking for within record 2 minutes! I did this a couple of times and each time it worked for me, in that record breaking 2 minutes!

And the strange thing is I found it where I had already looked twice before!

I'm sure we've all had similar experiences, I can ashore you many times!!






it with experiences like this that you get this feeling that is there someone really out there, and it is hard to believe that my prayers were actually answered! it is hard to believe even for me. But I shall continue to have faith in lord Jesus! God bless him.

So yours is the "Truth"?? I've heard that somewhere else strangely enough!!






But my most amazing experience was that one with the clouds being wiped clean and I did star gazing until I was tired sick of it! and then within minutes the clouds were back again throughout! to me that is not a coincident or just one of those things! indeed it was a miracle.

My miracle was leaving a "friends" house less than 5mins before her husband returned home early...









However, good to have cloudy Easter weekend, as I wasn't going out! so i hope you guys had a good one!

No! What the ell's the point of Easter if you don't receive any chocolate eggs! I shall have to get a few eggs in the days to come at knocked down prices!! Roll on Christmas when we celebrate giving and receiving pressies..

 

[Big Tone]

I have met very many people over the years who are terminally ill and see them through 'to the end'. The emotional and, often, physical pain is truly ineffable!

I continue to see people from all walks of life and faith/non-faith and I can tell you without a shadow of doubt that even the most devout religious men and women do not have any easier a time in either pain or suffering!

Some hide it better than others and many I've met are certainly more stoical. But as for any god looking over them or listening to their prayers, you may find out one day just how rediculous and blinkered you are.

And how pathetic are you Mike that you think a prayer would part the sky for you over a big nothing while ignoring an equally Christian prayer to alleviate the pain and suffering of a loved one.

Talking to happy clappy fruitcakes is always the same old circular, illogical and self-serving argument...