just wanted to update and thank all for their help. 3 weeks ago my installers came back (for free). honeywell opentherm controller is now fitted, pump control is driven from boiler not from evo bdr, viessman DHW demand box is now fitted (wired to activate when DHW calls). System is now a logical W-plan (master zone valve on CH, shuts when DHW zone valve opens). guess what, the damn thing works properly now! boiler gets to 75-80 in a very small number of minutes when the DHW is calling (I get the "tap" symbol on the boiler) , it stays at that temp until we are done, and the cylinder reheats in no time at all.
I only had one cold week with opentherm, however during that time I did notice an change in behaviour that some might find of interest. As I have 5 months of pre (BDR on/off CH) and 1 week of post (opentherm) behaviour experience with the same rad configuration. At the mid-late evening stage when not much heat is needed (just 1 or 2 rooms asking for top-ups) the BDR method would fire the boiler up to 50 odd and run the pump, for 10 mins or so, then shut down both boiler and pump. noticeable boost to the room temp during those 10 mins, then it cools down naturally, 30 mins later it does it again. with the opentherm controller it fires the boiler to 50 odd, then keeps the pump running without calling for heat for a long time (40mins or more). the water going round slowly cools down to 30 ish or even high 20's, then it fires again if it needs to (which it doesn't always) . It keeps the radiators with some amount of warmth for all that time - seems to be trying hard to get all the last bit of warmth out of that water that it can, only firing boiler if it really really has to. the user feel is nicer - the temp drop rate during the non-firing still-pumping periods seems a lot less.