What happened to Jesus the second time around?

[cjard]

He hung around for a bit, catching up with old friends, old frenemies, doing the odd miracle so they'd have something to write about to corroborate timings, doling out the odd task like "be nice to your mum" and "take the message of the gospel to the four corners of the earth as penance for doubting me, you bastards", then he flew off into the sky. The End.

You gotta admit, it's pretty good closure. We're still banging on about it 2000 years later - can't see that happening with Harry Potter

 

[Nozzle]

@gasbanni Whether the guy who was named "Jesus" is fictional or not isn't the point. The book is real, written at some point by real people. And they either wrote a crappy ending to their real book or they wrote a barn stormer ending. The issue is not whether you should find the book in fiction or non-ficiton aisle of the local library... but more "how did the story end". It would seem he did some stone-masonry (likely to have helped him with the big old door on his hidey hole cave), then did some deeds, told some stories then... pooof, gone! A movie critic would have slammed that in a cold eye review.

Nozzle

 

[bernardgreen]

Jesus' mission on earth had been accomplished. He returned to heaven, where he had come from. .

Well actually he ascended in a rocket powered shuttle craft to the mother ship. The mother ship was from the same area in space that the Intergallatic Ark came from. This was the Ark refered to as Noah's Ark. Noah was a computor system that controlled the Ark as it travelled through space, its cargo being many generations of human and other animal life . ( When Noah was five hundred years old, he begat Shem, Ham and Japheth ) Probably these were the computors that controlled shuttles that ferried the cargo down to the earth.

Now if you can believe that then you can also believe there really is a square root of -1 called i

 

[Gerrydelasel]

When Noah was five hundred years old, he begat Shem, Ham and Japheth

I really hope Noah's surname was 'Cake'

 

[breadnbutter]

Jesus appeared the second time, you mean after he was raised from the dead.
he showed himself to the disciples, 40 days.

 

[blightymam]

he showed himself to the disciples, 40 days.

Get arrested for that kind of thing these days.

 

[Nozzle]

Jesus appeared the second time, you mean after he was raised from the dead.
he showed himself to the disciples, 40 days.

The thrust of my question is "what happened after this bit?"

Nozzle

 

[breadnbutter]

The thrust of my question is "what happened after this bit?"

Nozzle

The Holy Spirit Promised
4 And being assembled together with them, He commanded them not to depart from Jerusalem, but to wait for the Promise of the Father,“which,” He said, “you have heard from Me; 5 for John truly baptized with water, but you shall be baptized with the Holy Spirit not many days from now.” 6 Therefore, when they had come together, they asked Him, saying, “Lord, will You at this time restore the kingdom to Israel?” 7 And He said to them, “It is not for you to know times or seasons which the Father has put in His own authority. 8 But you shall receive power when the Holy Spirit has come upon you; and you shall be witnesses to Me in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the end of the earth.”

Jesus Ascends to Heaven
9 Now when He had spoken these things, while they watched, He was taken up, and a cloud received Him out of their sight. 10 And while they looked steadfastly toward heaven as He went up, behold, two men stood by them in white apparel, 11 who also said, “Men of Galilee, why do you stand gazing up into heaven? This same Jesus, who was taken up from you into heaven, will so come in like manner as you saw Him go into heaven.”

 

[gasbanni]

@gasbanni Whether the guy who was named "Jesus" is fictional or not isn't the point. The book is real, written at some point by real people. And they either wrote a crappy ending to their real book or they wrote a barn stormer ending. The issue is not whether you should find the book in fiction or non-ficiton aisle of the local library... but more "how did the story end". It would seem he did some stone-masonry (likely to have helped him with the big old door on his hidey hole cave), then did some deeds, told some stories then... pooof, gone! A movie critic would have slammed that in a cold eye review.

Nozzle

You could look at it your way, the other way to look at is the story's ongoing it's not finished. By reading more of the book your referring to its rather plain that the resurrection on earth was to prove he'd risen from the dead to his disciples.
Can I refer you to the earlier post and the question the book I quoted from raised about this, to me it was an important question " How do we know they weren't lying about him been raised from the dead ?"

 

[gasbanni]

The thrust of my question is "what happened after this bit?"

Nozzle

We're told he ascended to heaven. Then it's a schedule.
A day is as a thousand years and a thousand years is as day.
In other words our perception of the time that's passing is not the only one.

 

[gasbanni]

But the big question is what's going to happen next, or rather what are we told is going to happen next !

 

[Nozzle]

You could look at it your way, the other way to look at is the story's ongoing it's not finished. By reading more of the book your referring to its rather plain that the resurrection on earth was to prove he'd risen from the dead to his disciples.
Can I refer you to the earlier post and the question the book I quoted from raised about this, to me it was an important question " How do we know they weren't lying about him been raised from the dead ?"

If they were lying, what was the lie do you think? I think that would ask even more questions than history currently does. What else might have been lyed about, and to what end?

Nozzle

 

[gasbanni]

If they were lying, what was the lie do you think? I think that would ask even more questions than history currently does. What else might have been lyed about, and to what end?

Nozzle

You'll have to PM if you want not posting on here any more; due to abuse by mods

 

[Judy in the sky]

When Jesus returned, Thomas doubted that he'd returned and asked Jesus to prove it by walking on water. So they went out on a boat on Lake Galilee. Jesus climbed out of the boat and started walking across the lake. After about a minute he started to slowly sink into the lake. Thomas shouted "See,,, I knew you hadn't returned." Jesus replied,,, "Last time I did this I didn't have holes in my f*****g feet."

 

[breadnbutter]

When Jesus returned, Thomas doubted that he'd returned and asked Jesus to prove it by walking on water. So they went out on a boat on Lake Galilee. Jesus climbed out of the boat and started walking across the lake. After about a minute he started to slowly sink into the lake. Thomas shouted "See,,, I knew you hadn't returned." Jesus replied,,, "Last time I did this I didn't have holes in my f*****g feet."

i was wondering if you got any jokes about the prophet mohammed, and if so would you dare share them here.