Blah...blah...blah1) Talk to French government requesting agreed return point
2) Announce to public issue has been addressed and resolved with agreed procedure to return all illegal immigrants including +8year ban from entering the UK if caught attempting to enter illegally, each offender identified with biometric data to ensure they can't just turn up again with no paperwork. Additional +8 year ban if caught again.
3) Intercept immigrants and make sure boats are destroyed.
Face it, those boats ain't gonna stop. Too much money to be made. Even fromage with his blunderbus won't frighten them. His breath might though....