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My advice.... don't ask for advice here! 
Money Advice/Opinions.
- Thread starter conny
- Start date
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A
alsheating
My advice would be to see a financial planning assistant or mortgage broker...I would recommend my cousin, dep if you live in East London. or can get to mile end area....he good at that...has a lot of money to proove his good abilities in this field.
I would also ask you check that you have not been mis-sold your endownment policy as You could potentially have a few grand to get back.
Other than that why not invest in a small 2 bed. depending where you live and you have sufficent income..it could go as a deposit on a small buy to let.
I would also ask you check that you have not been mis-sold your endownment policy as You could potentially have a few grand to get back.
Other than that why not invest in a small 2 bed. depending where you live and you have sufficent income..it could go as a deposit on a small buy to let.
Dex, I know you are a man of principles and so I am offering you the chance of a roff over your head along with your wife and 19 children. You can also bring the 32 grand children and 43 great grand children if you wish. Its in my 6'x4' shed at the bottom of the garden. The only thing is you can't disturb the spiders webs on all the gardening tools, its taken them 10 years to spin those webs and I wouldn't want them having to start all over again.
Now as I said, I know you are a man of principles and won't take handouts of any kind, especially cash, so to make you feel as though you have earned the right to live there all you have to do is find the exact address, including postcode, telephone number and what day the bins are emptied. As you and I know this will be no problem to a man of your calibre so I am going to make it a bit tough. You have 24 hours starting from Lunch time today to find all this information and arrive at the destination along with ALL of your kith and kin. You, your wife and elder kin can walk the streets all day seeking what monetary gains you can before handing 99p in every £1 to me. The younger ones, i.e. those stillin nappies and prams can pick all the daises out of the lawn before making daisy chains which they will then sell outside Goodison and Anfield on alternate Saturdays, again every 99p in the £1 they will hand over to me. Any monies they make at mid week matches they may only need to pay 95p in every £1 to me.
This offer is only open until midnight tonight by which time if I have not received your written confirmation by 'snail' mail I will offer to the gippo's at the front door now.
Now as I said, I know you are a man of principles and won't take handouts of any kind, especially cash, so to make you feel as though you have earned the right to live there all you have to do is find the exact address, including postcode, telephone number and what day the bins are emptied. As you and I know this will be no problem to a man of your calibre so I am going to make it a bit tough. You have 24 hours starting from Lunch time today to find all this information and arrive at the destination along with ALL of your kith and kin. You, your wife and elder kin can walk the streets all day seeking what monetary gains you can before handing 99p in every £1 to me. The younger ones, i.e. those stillin nappies and prams can pick all the daises out of the lawn before making daisy chains which they will then sell outside Goodison and Anfield on alternate Saturdays, again every 99p in the £1 they will hand over to me. Any monies they make at mid week matches they may only need to pay 95p in every £1 to me.
This offer is only open until midnight tonight by which time if I have not received your written confirmation by 'snail' mail I will offer to the gippo's at the front door now.
D
dextrous
My family are working their way west as we speak. They'll find you after all there are in excess of 28000 of them (due to my being a catholic) I'd be with them, but it's the gammy knee I got when I had polio as a kid. Slows me down you see.
As for the rent/tax rates. Are you sure you're not a labour MP?
As for the rent/tax rates. Are you sure you're not a labour MP?
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D
dextrous
Whereas you got a gammon knee from screwing a pig as a kid on holiday on a farm in near Bangor
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It wasn't a pig it was a sheep....Whereas you got a gammon knee from screwing a pig as a kid on holiday on a farm in near Bangor
errm..... in my defence I had been in the bahhhh all day! But I know that's a bit of a woolly excuse.
D
dextrous
Ewe are so funny at times, my little lambkins.
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It's not funny! It haunts me you know? I remember the farmer's face when they were going to slaughter...
The silence was so spooky!
Wait a minute.... is that......? No it can't be can it? Surely he wouldn't have joined DIYnot?
AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's Skitzee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The silence was so spooky!
Wait a minute.... is that......? No it can't be can it? Surely he wouldn't have joined DIYnot?
AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's Skitzee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
D
dextrous
I protest. I am not the pope, and I don't like looking at pictures of naked children.
I accept your explanation, however, it is now 12.09am and I have not found you on my doorstep with the other 28000 of your bretheren.
Therefore I have no option to withdraw my offer of accomodation and give it to the gippos.
As for the TB, I will send you some mouldy bread in order that you may produce some penicillin for him. Throw the wheelchair away and get some crutches.
Therefore I have no option to withdraw my offer of accomodation and give it to the gippos.
As for the TB, I will send you some mouldy bread in order that you may produce some penicillin for him. Throw the wheelchair away and get some crutches.
D
dextrous
D
dextrous
Thank you oh Lord. Truly you doth talk a load of sh ite to the masses. Amen to that
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