B
breezer
i went to the paper shop, but it had blown away.
or the bloke that brought a row of cornershops
or the bloke that brought a row of cornershops
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Subject: Wrong email address
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a
particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedule. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel, and as there was a computer in his
room, he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally
left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error,
sent it off.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband Tom's funeral. He had been a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email expecting consoling messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
Her son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then
spotted the computer screen, which read:
Date: October 16, 2004
To: My Loving Wife.
I've arrived, and I know you will be surprised to hear from me. They have computers down here now, and we are allowed to send emails to loved ones. I ve just been checked in, and I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
From Your Ever Loving, Thomas.
P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!
A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a
particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedule. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
The husband checked into the hotel, and as there was a computer in his
room, he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally
left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error,
sent it off.
Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband Tom's funeral. He had been a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack.
The widow decided to check her email expecting consoling messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.
Her son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and then
spotted the computer screen, which read:
Date: October 16, 2004
To: My Loving Wife.
I've arrived, and I know you will be surprised to hear from me. They have computers down here now, and we are allowed to send emails to loved ones. I ve just been checked in, and I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
From Your Ever Loving, Thomas.
P.S. Sure is freaking hot down here!
I
Igorian
A couple of movies you might enjoy...
Pigeon deterrant?
SportKa Cat Commercial
Moderator, do not watch if easily offended
Pigeon deterrant?
SportKa Cat Commercial
Moderator, do not watch if easily offended
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The president of a large company had a problem so he called three people into his office: an engineer, a statistician and an accountant. "Gentlemen" he said pacing slowly up and down "I have two problems. Problem one; I need a new vice president." There was a moments silence. "Problem two;" he went on "I need to know the answer to two times two."
Quick as a flash the engineer had his slide rule out. "Two times two is --- four point one. Let's play safe and call it five." The others said nothing and all three left.
Two days later the statistician staggered in with a huge pile of computer printout. "I've done a complete analysis of all the variables and I'm ninety nine percent confident that the answer lies between three and six." With that he dumped the printout on the desk and left.
Two weeks later the president passed the accountant in the corridor. "Excuse me sir" said the accountant "but I've been working on your problem. What kind of answer were you looking for?
Guess who's the new vice president!
Quick as a flash the engineer had his slide rule out. "Two times two is --- four point one. Let's play safe and call it five." The others said nothing and all three left.
Two days later the statistician staggered in with a huge pile of computer printout. "I've done a complete analysis of all the variables and I'm ninety nine percent confident that the answer lies between three and six." With that he dumped the printout on the desk and left.
Two weeks later the president passed the accountant in the corridor. "Excuse me sir" said the accountant "but I've been working on your problem. What kind of answer were you looking for?
Guess who's the new vice president!
A few more bright emitter unode valve jokes:
How many xxxx does it take to change a light bulb?
xxxx =
Albanians: None; they haven't got electricity.
Blues musicians: Thirteen; one to change the bulb and twelve to tell us how good the old one was.
Civil servants: None; they've always had that bulb and they're not changing it now.
Computer programmers: Can't be done; it's a hardware problem.
Psychiatrists: Only one, but that bulb has got to WANT to change.
Quantum physicists: One; two to change the bulb and one to renormalize the function.
And finally--- why does it take a premenstrual women three hours to change a light bulb? "IT JUST DOES OK!!!"
How many xxxx does it take to change a light bulb?
xxxx =
Albanians: None; they haven't got electricity.
Blues musicians: Thirteen; one to change the bulb and twelve to tell us how good the old one was.
Civil servants: None; they've always had that bulb and they're not changing it now.
Computer programmers: Can't be done; it's a hardware problem.
Psychiatrists: Only one, but that bulb has got to WANT to change.
Quantum physicists: One; two to change the bulb and one to renormalize the function.
And finally--- why does it take a premenstrual women three hours to change a light bulb? "IT JUST DOES OK!!!"
I
Igorian
felix said:
Dunno if we've had this one but,
Folk Singers : 5. 1 to change the bulb and 4 to sing about how good the old one was
B
breezer
6 ) Borg, none. it will be assimilated
I
Igorian
At the end of the tax year the Tax Office sent an inspector to audit
the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned
to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do
you do with the candle drippings?"
"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them
back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a
free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual
question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way:
"What about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was
trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them
and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then
they send a free box of matzos."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could
fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do
you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you
perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is
save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and
about once a year they send us a complete dick like you."
the books of a synagogue. While he was checking the books he turned
to the Rabbi and said, "I notice you buy a lot of candles. What do
you do with the candle drippings?"
"Good question," noted the Rabbi. "We save them up and send them
back to the candle makers, and every now and then they send us a
free box of candles."
"Oh," replied the auditor, somewhat disappointed that his unusual
question had a practical answer. But on he went, in his obnoxious way:
"What about all these matzo purchases? What do you do with the crumbs?"
"Ah, yes," replied the Rabbi, realising that the inspector was
trying to trap him with an unanswerable question. "We collect them
and send them back to the manufacturers, and every now and then
they send a free box of matzos."
"I see," replied the auditor, thinking hard about how he could
fluster the know-it-all Rabbi. "Well, Rabbi," he went on, "what do
you do with all the leftover foreskins from the circumcisions you
perform?"
"Here, too, we do not waste," answered the Rabbi. "What we do is
save up all the foreskins and send them to the Tax Office, and
about once a year they send us a complete dick like you."
I
Igorian
felix said:Igorian, is this your way of saying I've rewritten your joke in a slightly different form? If so I apologize.
Not at all dude. Was just adding to your bit, but was apologising in advance, had it already been done. I was even too lazy to search
Question: How many people from a diy forum would it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer: It doesn't matter, it would never get done as they would be too busy arguing about what the job was worth, whether the stepladders were safe, whether they need Part P, whether the lightbulb was too expensive and should it be returned to the shop because they had found a cheaper one, whether it complied with EU regs and did anyone care, whether it was a plot by the government etc etc etc.
Answer: It doesn't matter, it would never get done as they would be too busy arguing about what the job was worth, whether the stepladders were safe, whether they need Part P, whether the lightbulb was too expensive and should it be returned to the shop because they had found a cheaper one, whether it complied with EU regs and did anyone care, whether it was a plot by the government etc etc etc.
Sure it's been posted before, but: How many DIYnot forum members does it take to change a lightbulb?
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"
... another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
1 to change the light bulb and to post that the light bulb has been changed
14 to share similar experiences of changing light bulbs and how the light bulb could have been changed differently
7 to caution about the dangers of changing light bulbs
7 to point out spelling/grammar errors in posts about changing light bulbs
5 to flame the spell checkers
3 to correct spelling/grammar flames
6 to argue over whether it's "lightbulb" or "light bulb"
... another 6 to condemn those 6 as anal-retentive
2 industry professionals to inform the group that the proper term is "lamp"
15 know-it-alls who claim they were in the industry, and that "light bulb" is perfectly correct
19 to post that this forum is not about light bulbs and to please take this discussion to a lightbulb forum
11 to defend the posting to this forum saying that we all use light bulbs and therefore the posts are relevant to this forum
36 to debate which method of changing light bulbs is superior, where to buy the best light bulbs, what brand of light bulbs work best for this technique and what brands are faulty
7 to post URL's where one can see examples of different light bulbs
4 to post that the URL's were posted incorrectly and then post the corrected URL's
3 to post about links they found from the URL's that are relevant to this group which makes light bulbs relevant to this group
13 to link all posts to date, quote them in their entirety including all headers and signatures, and add "Me too"
5 to post to the group that they will no longer post because they cannot handle the light bulb controversy
4 to say "didn't we go through this already a short time ago?"
13 to say "do a Google search on light bulbs before posting questions about light bulbs"
1 forum lurker to respond to the original post 6 months from now and start it all over again.
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