Not really sure what to do (title change so as not to cause offence)

[durhamplumber]

I'd like to say seek some professional advice via your GP

I asked my GP the definition of clinical depression..Replied. ..." If you walk into a room and make people feel sad"....Thought then,and now..what utter utter shte.

 

[Doug99]

When I retired from the navy after 36yrs service, I suffered a big downer due to the sudden change in routine (or lack of one) and the move away from all my 'shipmates'. But what it did do is offer a more favourable work/life balance. You do not mention if you are a family man. I eventually found employment in a totally stress free role and over recent years reduced my working hours to spend more time with my family and ever growing number of grandchildren. Are you in a position where you could reduce your hours? My appreciation of Work/Life balance is what did it for me.

 

[durhamplumber]

I once told a friend, expecting sympathy" my wife has left me""" He replied"" you lucky Bars d""...Even after 20 years it still makes me laugh.

 

[durhamplumber]

Depression is a horrible,debilatating illness.It can strike anytime for little reason and change a person from life and soul of party to quivering wreck,,and back again with no pattern..People learn coping strategies.It feels like trying to hang onto a greasy pole knowing that no matter what you do you will hit rock bottom.

 

[Bodd]

@Bodd It's not very helpful to someone who sounds down to "keep their chin up" just as it's unhelpful to tell them to "pull themselves together"

I'm wary of offering any advice as it's a very complicated issue. I'd like to say seek some professional advice via your GP, but I know how poor mental health services are.

Chin up is not like:
Grow some balls or pull your self together man.

It more like: Hang on in there I get how you feel.

 

[Dire_Straits]

Depression is a horrible,debilatating illness.It can strike anytime for little reason and change a person from life and soul of party to quivering wreck,,and back again with no pattern..People learn coping strategies.It feels like trying to hang onto a greasy pole knowing that no matter what you do you will hit rock bottom.

love this

 

[Dire_Straits]

@Doug99 thanks for the reply, yes family man, x2 kids in school, wife doesn’t work so she can do school run/look after them. I have a mortgage and I do Callout one in every 5 weeks, so unfortunately not in a position to reduce hours. I’m 38 years old, bad knees and feet. I was awaiting some tests pre-covid to find out if I have same issues as my dad, but put it on hold for obvious reasons. I don’t think covid has helped - and I’m aware it’s affected many others.

 

[sodthisforfun]

Never good to compare yourself to strangers. If want to improve your knowledge, then that's ok, but never belittle yourself or feel worthless to others who a, maybe bigging themselves up on a forum or b, taken a different path in life.

It's flipping hard when the responsibility of providing lies square on your shoulders. If your children are at school age, is it possible for your wife to get a part time job in the near future? It may make you feel more supported? Plus, the extra cash may just well give you guys more money for fun things when all this covid stuff is over... things to look forward to as a family.

I do think that it sounds like you're fed up and depressed, these times are very hard for even the strongest of personality. It's fantastic that you've spoken out, it really does say a lot about your own strengths and for that, without sounding patronising I hope, you should be very proud. Have you spoken to your wife about this?

 

[Notch7]

@Doug99 thanks for the reply, yes family man, x2 kids in school, wife doesn’t work so she can do school run/look after them. I have a mortgage and I do Callout one in every 5 weeks, so unfortunately not in a position to reduce hours. I’m 38 years old, bad knees and feet. I was awaiting some tests pre-covid to find out if I have same issues as my dad, but put it on hold for obvious reasons. I don’t think covid has helped - and I’m aware it’s affected many others.

With a mortgage and family you might be feeling trapped.......the pressure to bring in an income can create undue pressure that isn't rational. People that are employed can feel it esp with a bad employer.

The basics can help a lot.

Getting stuff ready for the next days work before going to bed is good, healthy food and getting a good nights sleep helps. Those kalms night work well I found.

Exercise is good, it raises serotonin levels.

 

[Notch7]

And to keep this thread getting too morose....

"Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they’re happy"

 

[Bodd]

Back in 1999 I decided to make a change in my life. I lived alone rolled out of bed and into London working on big cold dirty refurbs. Rolled home into my empty flat, cooked and ate alone.
I hated Plumbing! I was not over skilled at my job and had no job satisfaction.

I lived for the weekends and the hope of meeting a girl or at least a shag. Id get drunk and felt **** on a Sunday.

I was depressed..... I would cry because I was so lonely.

I packed my job in Christmas 1999


My plan was: Come the year 2000 I would start my own business. Do this to give me time and money so I could go to college to prepare myself to go to university and train in something totally different.
If eventually I got to University I would have done Plumbing of some sort instead of work in a bar or a coffee shop to keep me in money.

That was the plan.

January 2000
My neighbour moved into a new house. He wanted and new Boiler & central Heating system. My first job
I started all sorts of courses The first was a course designed to prepare mature students for life at University. I met like minded people in the same rut as me. I even got a shag. New friends.

The course led me to Computer courses, Self esteem courses. An acting class, that gave me so much confidence to be able to stand up on stage. I was casted the main part in two productions. I did Chekhov. A critic described my Uncle Vanya as the best he's ever seen done with a Cockney accent. Met some great friends.
and got a shag.

I was doing all this while working 2 -3 days a week. life was great. I was never going to be rich but I could live on the money and pay the bills.

If I had a problem with a job, Id have to find the answer. I started educating myself in the Plumbing industry. I found I was actually very good at my job. Mainly because I cared that I did a good job. Id be too embarrassed if someone considered my work to be of a poor quality.

I realised I liked plumbing and fitting boilers. And that I liked being my own boss. I had a little Black two seater sport car with an electric roof that made me feel good in myself.
I got a mortgage for my flat. Something I would not have had the confidence to back in the last century.

I was Happy..... I met my Girl July 2001 and we are still together now.


Lifes not been a bed of roses but life is good. I can still get down but never depressed.

Depression is Vulgar.

It wasn't that I hated my job it was that I hated working for someone else.
I still love my work and being my own Boss.

 

[Bodd]

Getting stuff ready for the next days work before going to bed is good, healthy food and getting a good nights sleep helps. Those kalms night work well I found.

Exercise is good, it raises serotonin levels.

All great advice...

 

[festive]

Lots of great advice here. From what I'm reading about op they're suffering a bit of brain fog for one reason or another.
You have to make a change. I think we've all been there.. luckily for me music and exercise fixes most things. And the deep rooted driver of someone else benefitting from me not making that change.

Don't be too hard on yourself bud. I'm guessing sleep pattern possibly affected by stress. I would recommend some Yoga or just trying a short jog or round the block with headphones and your fave music or some other form of excercise that's gets you out of the norm. Its a good way to unwind and I find it motivates me to think positive and solve issues in a positive way.

 

[Dire_Straits]

Have you spoken to your wife about this?

No I haven’t, I have felt this way before, the time I did, I mentioned it to her and she basically said to pull myself together - harsh words and didn’t work.

 

[Bodd]

It's fantastic that you've spoken out, it really does say a lot about your own strengths and for that, without sounding patronising I hope, you should be very proud.

Your right speaks volumes for his personalty and his strength.