didnt go unnoticed m8 
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The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term. The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question:
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there
is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,
then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,extinct.... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
Bonus Question:
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas
cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving.
As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there
is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter
Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell
breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell,
then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over.
The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore,extinct.... leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A"
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In the days when you couldn't count on a public
toilet facility, an English woman was planning a trip
to India. She was registered to stay in a small guest
house owned by the local schoolmaster. She was
concerned as to whether the guest house contained a
WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC
which stands for "Water Closet".
She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring of the
facilities about the WC. The school master, not fluent
in English, asked the local priest if the knew the
meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible
meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady
wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near
the house . . . a bathroom never entered their
minds. So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:
Dear Madam,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is
located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the
middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely
grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is
open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many
people expected in the summer months, I suggest you
arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing
room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if
you are in the habit of going regularly. It may be of
some interest to you that my daughter was married in
the WC as it was there that she met her husband.
It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in
every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on
their faces. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable
to go recently. It has been almost a year since she
went last, which pains her greatly.
You will be pleased to know that many people bring
their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to
wait till the last minute and arrive just in time! I
would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday
as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are
excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be
heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell which
rings every time a person enters. We are holding a
bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel
it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you
there myself and seating you in a place where you can
be seen by all.
With deepest regards,
The Schoolmaster
This really happened !!!
toilet facility, an English woman was planning a trip
to India. She was registered to stay in a small guest
house owned by the local schoolmaster. She was
concerned as to whether the guest house contained a
WC. In England, a bathroom is commonly called a WC
which stands for "Water Closet".
She wrote to the schoolmaster inquiring of the
facilities about the WC. The school master, not fluent
in English, asked the local priest if the knew the
meaning of WC. Together they pondered possible
meanings of the letters and concluded that the lady
wanted to know if there was a "Wayside Chapel" near
the house . . . a bathroom never entered their
minds. So the schoolmaster wrote the following reply:
Dear Madam,
I take great pleasure in informing you that the WC is
located 9 miles from the house. It is located in the
middle of a grove of pine trees, surrounded by lovely
grounds. It is capable of holding 229 people and is
open on Sundays and Thursdays. As there are many
people expected in the summer months, I suggest you
arrive early. There is, however, plenty of standing
room. This is an unfortunate situation especially if
you are in the habit of going regularly. It may be of
some interest to you that my daughter was married in
the WC as it was there that she met her husband.
It was a wonderful event. There were 10 people in
every seat. It was wonderful to see the expressions on
their faces. My wife, sadly, has been ill and unable
to go recently. It has been almost a year since she
went last, which pains her greatly.
You will be pleased to know that many people bring
their lunch and make a day of it. Others prefer to
wait till the last minute and arrive just in time! I
would recommend your ladyship plan to go on a Thursday
as there is an organ accompaniment. The acoustics are
excellent and even the most delicate sounds can be
heard everywhere. The newest addition is a bell which
rings every time a person enters. We are holding a
bazaar to provide plush seats for all since many feel
it is long needed. I look forward to escorting you
there myself and seating you in a place where you can
be seen by all.
With deepest regards,
The Schoolmaster
This really happened !!!
Rabbit comes into a bakery and asks: Baker, do you have carrot pie?
Baker says: no, sorry.
Rabbit says: oh.
Leaves bakery.
Week later: rabbit enters bakery: Baker, do you have carrot pie?
Baker says: no, I’m very sorry.
Rabbit says: oh!
And leaves bakery again.
Baker starts feeling sorry for the rabbit and makes carrot pie
Week later, rabbit enters bakery again: Baker, do you have carrot pie?
Baker points to the freshly made pie: Yes, yes, yes, we do have carrot pie now! !
Rabbit says: disgusting, isn’t it!
Baker says: no, sorry.
Rabbit says: oh.
Leaves bakery.
Week later: rabbit enters bakery: Baker, do you have carrot pie?
Baker says: no, I’m very sorry.
Rabbit says: oh!
And leaves bakery again.
Baker starts feeling sorry for the rabbit and makes carrot pie
Week later, rabbit enters bakery again: Baker, do you have carrot pie?
Baker points to the freshly made pie: Yes, yes, yes, we do have carrot pie now! !
Rabbit says: disgusting, isn’t it!
What's the difference between an airship and 365 b low jobs?
One is a Goodyear, the other is an excellent year.
Joe is being plagued by terrible headaches. One day, after years of suffering, he decides to see a headache specialist. The doctor tells Joe to strip, inspects him all over, and announces that he's found the cause of his problem.
"Your test icles are pressing against the base of your spine," says the medic. "The pressure builds up and you get an excruciating headache."
Joe is appalled. "Is there anything I can do about it?" he asks.
"I'm afraid I have bad news. I have to get rid of the test icles." answers the doctor.
Joe considers the pros and cons of a life without ba lls and se x. But then he thinks about the agony of his daily headaches, and finally decides to go for the snip...
He comes around from the operation and leaves the hospital. Walking along the street, he smiles as he realises that the pain has completely disappeared. To celebrate, he decides to treat himself to some new clothes, so he makes his way to a top tailor to get fitted. Inside the tailor's he asks to see a pair of trousers. "You'll need a 36-inch waist, 33-inch inside leg." Joe is amazed at the accuracy of the tailor's eye, and asks for a shirt.
That'll be a 42-inch chest, 16-inch neck," the tailor says, and Joe is once again stunned by his accuracy. Finally, all that is left to buy is a pair of underpants. "36?" guesses the tailor.
"No, sorry, I'm a 34," Joe says. "I've worn a 34 since I was 18."
"This is not possible," frowns the tailor. "If a man of your size wore a size 34, the pants would press his test icles into the base of his spine, causing the most horrific headaches."
Kevin rings his boss at work and says, "Look, I'm sorry, but I can't come to work today. I'm sick."
"Sick!" screams his boss. "Sick? This is the tenth time this month, Kevin. Exactly how sick are you?"
"Well" replies Kevin. "I am in bed with my Grandma."
One is a Goodyear, the other is an excellent year.
Joe is being plagued by terrible headaches. One day, after years of suffering, he decides to see a headache specialist. The doctor tells Joe to strip, inspects him all over, and announces that he's found the cause of his problem.
"Your test icles are pressing against the base of your spine," says the medic. "The pressure builds up and you get an excruciating headache."
Joe is appalled. "Is there anything I can do about it?" he asks.
"I'm afraid I have bad news. I have to get rid of the test icles." answers the doctor.
Joe considers the pros and cons of a life without ba lls and se x. But then he thinks about the agony of his daily headaches, and finally decides to go for the snip...
He comes around from the operation and leaves the hospital. Walking along the street, he smiles as he realises that the pain has completely disappeared. To celebrate, he decides to treat himself to some new clothes, so he makes his way to a top tailor to get fitted. Inside the tailor's he asks to see a pair of trousers. "You'll need a 36-inch waist, 33-inch inside leg." Joe is amazed at the accuracy of the tailor's eye, and asks for a shirt.
That'll be a 42-inch chest, 16-inch neck," the tailor says, and Joe is once again stunned by his accuracy. Finally, all that is left to buy is a pair of underpants. "36?" guesses the tailor.
"No, sorry, I'm a 34," Joe says. "I've worn a 34 since I was 18."
"This is not possible," frowns the tailor. "If a man of your size wore a size 34, the pants would press his test icles into the base of his spine, causing the most horrific headaches."
Kevin rings his boss at work and says, "Look, I'm sorry, but I can't come to work today. I'm sick."
"Sick!" screams his boss. "Sick? This is the tenth time this month, Kevin. Exactly how sick are you?"
"Well" replies Kevin. "I am in bed with my Grandma."
anyway during the gulf war after the oilfeilds went up red adair has got his hands full
so he says to the owners look im to busy you will have to get somebody else
so they get the yellow pages out and the only other listing is "murphy &co "
so the guy gives the number a go
certainly we can do it sorr comes the reply but we cant get there for two days and its cash on completion
ok says the guy
so two days later in the desert a battered old transit van comes over the dunes
straight into the middle of the fire
all of a sudden ten irishmen jump out and start beating the flames with donkey jackets
they get the fire out
so the owner of the oilwell goes over to their boss
nice work he says here is $250
thank you very much sorr says paddy
if you dont mind me asking says the guy what are you going to do with the money
well sorr says paddy i tink the forst thing will be to get the brakes fixed on the van
so he says to the owners look im to busy you will have to get somebody else
so they get the yellow pages out and the only other listing is "murphy &co "
so the guy gives the number a go
certainly we can do it sorr comes the reply but we cant get there for two days and its cash on completion
ok says the guy
so two days later in the desert a battered old transit van comes over the dunes
straight into the middle of the fire
all of a sudden ten irishmen jump out and start beating the flames with donkey jackets
they get the fire out
so the owner of the oilwell goes over to their boss
nice work he says here is $250
thank you very much sorr says paddy
if you dont mind me asking says the guy what are you going to do with the money
well sorr says paddy i tink the forst thing will be to get the brakes fixed on the van
andrew2022 said:
certainly not thinking them up !! Else I'd be out there turning a few shillings !!
Excuse me Kev do not fock the mflicted .... PC !!
A man with no arms or legs is sunbathing on the beach. He is approached by three beautiful young women who take pity on him.
The first woman says to him, "Have you ever been hugged?"
The man shakes his head, and she leans down and gives him a big hug.
"Have you ever been kissed?" asks the second woman.
He shakes his head, and she kisses him.
Rather abruptly, the third girl asks, "Have you ever been fked?"
"No," says the man, his eyes lighting up.
"Well you are now. The tide's coming in."
Man: "Do you know the difference between a pen is and a chicken leg?"
Woman: "No."
Man: "Well, would you like to go for a picnic ?"
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- 1 Jun 2004
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Pipme, thank you for the tailor - excellent!
that reminds me......chap walks into a village and thinks "this is quaint, I like this" and wanders round for sometime.
After a while he comes across this old timer milking a cow, and he sidles over and asks "say old timer, could you tell me what the time is?" with this the old boy lifts the cows udders and says "quarter past two!", thats amazing says the tourist, thanks him and wanders off; still thinking how clever the old s*d was, decides to try him out and returns to the old man. (I don't know how long it takes to milk them, I don't really care, so just go along with it now, right?)
The tourist moves in on the old man who is still milking the cow, and says "sorry to bother you again, can you tell me the time now" and to his amazement, the old man lifts the udder again, and says "it's twenty-five to three" and the tourist this time congratulates the old man on this amazing ability to be able to tell the time by lifting the cows udder. The old man looks up and says, "it's an art, by lifting this 'ere udder I can see the church clock"
that reminds me......chap walks into a village and thinks "this is quaint, I like this" and wanders round for sometime.
After a while he comes across this old timer milking a cow, and he sidles over and asks "say old timer, could you tell me what the time is?" with this the old boy lifts the cows udders and says "quarter past two!", thats amazing says the tourist, thanks him and wanders off; still thinking how clever the old s*d was, decides to try him out and returns to the old man. (I don't know how long it takes to milk them, I don't really care, so just go along with it now, right?)
The tourist moves in on the old man who is still milking the cow, and says "sorry to bother you again, can you tell me the time now" and to his amazement, the old man lifts the udder again, and says "it's twenty-five to three" and the tourist this time congratulates the old man on this amazing ability to be able to tell the time by lifting the cows udder. The old man looks up and says, "it's an art, by lifting this 'ere udder I can see the church clock"
pip the only PC i know im sat in front of
and stop using my name in your gags
and stop using my name in your gags
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